The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My AH came by my office today (just drove to the curb- I didn't want to have him come into my office now that we are separated) to drop off some documents that I need in order to fight my way out of the IRS mess he has created.
I asked him if he had paid the rent on our house (he has an arrangement with the mortgage company while we are in negotiations with the mortgage co. to get our house back). He angrily said, "No, how can I do that if I don't have the money right now?!" I reminded him that he could be evicted in as fast as three days, but he shot back that this wasn't true (our property lawyer has said otherwise).
I bit my tongue and asked him if he needed help. He shot back, "No, you told me that you were done with the house." I then offered to pawn my expensive watch that was a gift from him many years (really, a lifetime) ago. He said, "No, I'm gonna figure a way to find some funds."
I then walked away. So sad, that after 30 years of marriage, we've come down to doing business negotiations at a curbside. I want to help, but I know that he needs to figure things out on his own, or to maybe, finally, hit bottom. It took a great deal of self-talk for me not to call him back and offer to fix this particular mess he is now in- and continues to be in. I'm really praying to my HP right now and asking for His support and guidance. Such a sad state of affairs for our marriage. It is like witnessing a terminal illness, knowing that there's not much you can do but pray for a miracle. Detachment is REALLY tough.
-- Edited by Green Eyes on Wednesday 21st of March 2012 03:26:10 PM
-- Edited by Green Eyes on Wednesday 21st of March 2012 03:36:43 PM
Sending you love and support and you are doing a great job of detaching .. he is another member of the collateral damage that the disease causes.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Sending you warm thoughts. It IS tough to go through this, and you are correct, it Is sad. Grieving the loss of our dreams, and the surrender of all of our hard and loving work through the years is tough to traverse. I am here to attest, that the sun will shine again. It IS hard to let go and let them face their own issues, even when they "don't get it".
Tomorrow, is your hope and your future. His too. If you share children, you will remain connected and brighter days are not out of the question.
Today, there are absolutely no ill feelings between my ex A and I. None, at all. That in and of itself is the miracle.
Grace7..Perhaps that is why you are Grace..how did you get to the point where there are no hard feelings? I ended a 30 yr.marriage w/ my ex AH..he wouldn't/won't even speak to me...I struggle mightily trying to keep silent with my grown children about their father..I know on one level that they need a realtionship with him, but it can be SOO difficult not to speak ill of him when he behaved so poorly...
Thanks for all of your support here. It is sincerely appreciated!
Grace7: Yes, we have grown children. It makes me feel hopeful to hear that you and your-ex have worked things out. That is my hope as well. We have a lot of history together, and even if he is still active in his disease, I want us to try to be respectful and united in our parenting.
It is a terminal illness. No joke. You are healthiest focusing on you. Besides, he isn't asking for help and he sounds rather nasty in response to your offer. It's wasted effort helping those that wont help themselves. You have much going for you and that energy can be better used on yourself and folks that benefit from it....sad as the situation with him is.
Ugh. I hate thinking about where these years have led our relationship. Thank you for sharing. I hope you do something for yourself this evening to help clear your mind.
