The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Had a fine weekend...AH's birthday was on Sunday, and we had a nice day enjoying the gorgeous weather. My AH tried to get ugly with me, and DID get ugly with his dog last night, but I just refused to go there. That is getting soooo much easier for me. A year ago I would have taken the bait and the whole thing would have ended up a huge, devastating confrontation. Now I just walk away, and don't feel bad about walking away. Not even for a second.
To absolutely no one's surprise, my AH is sliding off his self-described track to "cut back." What started as 1-2 beers a night, was up to 3 a night after a few days, and now we're back up to a six pack.
Of course, this does not surprise me. I'm trying not to let it crush me in disappointment, because honestly I had no expectations that he would actually quit drinking. I'm trying to spin it as positively as I can...that every baby step toward cutting back is an admission, on some level, that he has a problem, and inches him ever so closer to recovery.
Trying like crazy to keep my focus on myself. I woke up in a foul mood and took a hard look at myself; I decided I was letting my AH dictate my mood, and now I'm trying very hard to look at this week as one of opportunity and joy.
For me, this is the guts of working the program; not letting my AH's choices ruin my day and affect my mood. it is a struggle every single day. I suppose that's why we say "one day at a time."
You are doing GREAT steph because you see that the problem is your focus, the problem is always ME and my thinking.
The solution is so simple, but not easy. I am in heaven when I stay in the moment and allow only good thoughts in my head. When I stray from those good thoughts, I am in hell. It's that simple. I gotta watch my thinking and STOP my obsessive thoughts.
Sometimes to make it easier for myself, I have to make a call to a fellowship member, go to a meeting or simply change the scenery to get with Higher power, sometimes I have to get outside. I am convinced God created all that beauty to soothe me, to feel a connection with Him.
Thanks for the great post
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I understand exactly where you're coming from. Even though my AH isn't drinking his attitude stinks (I'm guessing you read my other post). I have spent a lifetime of trying to figure out how NOT to let his attitude and actions affect my mood. Thank goodness for Al Anon because I am finally learning wonderful tools for coping and for learning how to take it 'one day at a time'. Thanks for your post, Steph! I hope you have a fabulous week!
The best thing about this program is knowing that I can start my day over at any point and time. No one else has power over me unless I allow it.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
You guys help me so much by sharing thanks.your wisdom on this subject helped today with what I'm going through.My emotions were on a roller coaster but the piece is back. tHANK YOU
Aloha Steph...what helped me to change my attitude about the alcoholic when I was in this condition was to read what I could on Compassion and Empathy. Actually she had a life threatening disease and I was getting pissed at it and her...When I was able to reach compassion and understanding and she drank I felt sad and not mad. You're growing, keep working it!! ((((hugs))))
Thank you for sharing. You are doing great! I needed to read this. My H is not an A but I struggle with a lot of the behaviors from him. I cannot let it get me down or ruin my mood. If he wants to be in a nasty mood that's his choice - it doesn't have to wreck mine. Keep sharing!
