Not to argue,but teenagers can be very selfish and self centered.  After I read this man's post, I see that his teenagers are taking advantage of the situation.  Give teenagers compassion,but don't let them take the inch and turn it into miles.  This man's kids are up all night probibly messing around playing vidio games or on the computer like my daughter does.  we can only go so far as to blame the environment.

Growing up I was beating, molested, raped and you friggen name it.  Sure I drank,but I also have more compassion in my little finger than most people do.  I never took anything from anyone,I am the first one that the teenagers turn to when they have a problem.  I also work in a teen home for drug users and acoholics.  These kids have robed, lied, hurt and you name it to other people.  We have compassion for these kids,but also don't let these master manipulaters get away with much.  There is a differance of having compassion and being played a fool.  I cannot stand good doer that have no clue (not saying you are) that can sit back and say O' it's the parents fault these kids do no wrong.  You know teenagers laugh at go doers trust me this I know.  My daughter refused to go to school yesterday.  I yelled and tryed to hussle her out of bed.  No going,so I left to make my appoinment, bought her some makeup and a soda,came home and she was up getting ready for a boyfriend to come over so she could make out.  So now I let her suffer her consiquences which are getting PINS on her and getting a probation office.  Then it's off to a group home if she does not straiten out.  Teens are too big to be lifted out of bed and froced to get dressed,so what do you do?  Let them  sleep all day because they where up all night playing vidio games?

Hi,

One of the reasons I asked my husband to leave was dicipline. He wanted everything totally quiet when it was what he wanted, but otherwise, there should be no rules and no consequenses.

He began drinking at 15, he had no responsibilites and no rules. He was fed in bed, he got whatever money he wanted. His paycheck was for him and if he wanted more, his parents gave it to him. He opened a checking account when he was 18, with Mommy's name on it as well. He never deposited a dime in it, but wrote whateever checks he wanted. He got a charge card and did the same. He had to give his paretns $50 a week, and they made sure his account was oka dn his charge was paid, no matter what he spent.

When we got married it was a nightmare. This man felt all bills should be paid with $50 a week and he could keep all else and then some. He grew up thinking he could do as he pleased with no consequenses. With 5DUI,'s he never spent a moment in jail, and they paid all his fines and drove for him when he had no license. They warmed the car before he got in, and in the evening they where there to pick him up at least a half hour before he was ready to leave in case he got off early. They called him out sick and obtained Dr's notes for him when he took off. They shut his alarm off, if htey felt it would be better for him to sleep becasue he was in bad shape the night before.

Do I blame his parents because he is an alcoholic, no. Do I blame them because he is inconsiderate, selfish and irresponsible, your damn right I do. They failed as parents. They raised him without responsibility and without natural consequenses. They dropped the ball. He is living proof of it. He is now an adult and they are still pushing these beliefs. You should have no respnsibility everyone should take care of you etc. It is up to him now to push that aside and grow up. Wetehr it will happen remains to be seen.

I refuse to have my children grow up like him. They have rules, they have chores. They have to chip in. I am willing to help them, but they must make the effort. My husband is as incosistant as the wind. I try to be consistant. We can have fun, but we have to take care of the important things first. he biggest hurdle I face is when they say ok, then what are his responsibilities, when they look at my husband. I then tell them, he is not them, and it is not acceptable fr him either, that is why he is not living here right now.

I am far from perfect, but I will not allow his parents mistakes to ruin my children. I am not rich and can't provide them with everything, but a moral backround a good work ethic, strong values, responsibilty, a sense of self and a lot of love is a gift I can give them.

It does sstart with us as parents.

                                                  Love Jeannie

I grew up with an alcoholic father. Things came to their worst point when I was a teenager. I saw my father try to kill my mother. I started acting up in school and not caring about my life. I felt alone in life. I didn't think my parents gave a crap about me. They were more concerned with their own lives and I got left in the cold. One parent did not use any disipline and the other was so rigid and controlling. I couldn't tell my friends because I didn't even understand anything that was going on. I didn't know how to deal with feelings at all. School called my father in and he denied anything was wrong at home. The teachers at school were very strict because that was their job. I had this horrible feeling that I was somehow at fault for what was going on at home. I was in pain and did not have anyone to talk to, so I acted out. I kept all that hurt bottled up because I didn't know what to do with it. If someone would have taken an interest in what was going on inside of me, I would have been able to heal a lot sooner. I'm not saying to let them do whatever they want, but to try and understand what they have learned from both of you.