thank you all so much for your wonderful replies. the love i know i deserve i get here. my a phoned this morning saying he didnt go to work, he didnt even call his boss. therefore is probably fired. not too happy here. he was crying and saying he needs help and he's going to get it. whatever. so he went too aa office downtown and has his evaluation appointment in an hour. he did it all on his own. today maybe he wants treatment but im finding it hard to believe that he will want the same thing in a few days. im debating on wether or not he can stay here with me. i'll be so happy if he does find treatment and sobriety but i just cant go through another relapse and the disappointment. so right now im just taking it one minute at a time. not one day because i dont know what this afternoon will bring. thanks to all of you and your wonderful support. it helps to know there so many others that know exactly what im feeling. even though i dont know any of you in the flesh, i believe. i know your all there. i will keep you updated.