The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My family of origin had an event last night, my nephew's birthday. Since coming to the program, I have had the "pleasure" (sarcasm) to be with my alcoholic family wide awake....
I had some difficult moments, I had to keep telling myself, "even though I feel like a nobody around them, it's not true, I don't have to believe it." Which was progress for me, I didn't do anything I regret. Still, I woke up feeling sour because we have another event next weekend and then Easter is coming up and I'll have to do it all over again (my brain was not happy....)
I rolled out of bed, struggled through my morning meditation, and began to pray, "God, this is too hard... it's too hard... it's too hard...."
Thank God for this program because I suddenly remembered step 11: "....praying ONLY for knowledge of His will and the power to carry that out." So my prayer changed to, "God, please give me more strength"
.... because I'm pretty sure God does NOT want me to throwing out all the verbal punches my brain was telling me I should, lol. They are very clever and colorful though... I know my fellowship understands.
I'll keep coming back. Gladly. Because I could just feel God's grace all around me as soon as I prayed for it. It's not about me and MY will.
Thanks to ((all)) for traveling this journey to Higher power with me.
-- Edited by glad lee on Sunday 11th of March 2012 12:25:23 PM
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
((((Glad))))...I know that experience well and I can remember what turned me around also. It was the awareness that I get to choose what I think, how I feel and how I act and so always I take the Al-Anon me and my HP with me. I take the lessons and the experiences of recovery and now take my Al-Anon Family character with me. My family of origin is aware that Jerry is different and doesn't participate in certain family behaviors...doesn't drink, doesn't get into criticisims or bringing up the past resentments, doesn't try to "self fluff" within the group and more including expressing myself thru the program which they don't know is going only only that I stay at arms lengthed and detached choosing a new way of responding rather than the old way of reacting.
In my alcoholic family I used to think that I had been adopted because I didn't like what and how things went on in it. Maybe now my family thinks I am adopted because I don't act like them. I have a different personality now. At my sept-fathers funeral the drinking night before the burial (you know that one) my neice who never knew me during the drinking days (only her own family) asked me "So uncle Jerry how come you don't drink anymore"? She never saw me drink or drunk, the rest of her family was drinking and drunk and so was she and maybe she had heard the before, after and now stories...donno and my reply to her was, "If I told you what would you do with the answer"? Never ask a drunk deep questions especially when the brain and tongue are no longer connected. It was a "trick" question because I know she didn't expect it and wasn't prepared to have it put back on her. The conversation about drinking came to a screeching halt and she walked away. Her two brothers came over to me and mentioned they where "thinking" about not drinking and I hadn't asked...just didn't drink myself and must have stuck out like a sober thumb (lol). Today one has 120 days plus after two attempts and one still drinks along with the rest of the family.
Point is Glad...you have solid program to trust and to take with you. Wear it well and don't allow anything to shake you because it works as you work it. Take it with you and let it shine. HP will be at your side.
(((((hugs)))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Sunday 11th of March 2012 02:16:01 PM
-- Edited by Jerry F on Sunday 11th of March 2012 02:16:46 PM
Thanks for the share Glad, hugs, .. I'm really struggling with this part at the moment. Thank you!!
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
glad lee, this share really spoke to me because I also had a family event this weekend and felt the same way. Glad to be able to get on here and see Im not alone. The blinds have been pulled up from over my eyes and its really hard to be around the massive flock of mess my family is. I love them all dearly. I am just in a different place now and its rough!! But you are right. What we need is strength to get through it and we will. I get through it, so did you. Thanks for sharing this with us today.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
