The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last night we went out for my nieces birthday at a resturant/bar. My husband drank soda and I had three beers. It felt great to get out, but he seemed a bit down the next day. I know there is nothing I can do for him, but some times I wish he would express what he is feeling. He seems bored. He is recovering from his hip replacement and seems much better and he is also currently retired. Drinking and playing the horses has been his main sources of entertainment and relaxation. I don't think he really knows what else to do. I am hoping in the spring he will be able to spend more time outdoors and golf. In the mean time on the weekends just relaxing is fine with me after working all week.
This is a frequent topic in AA meetings - Particularly newcomer's meetings. All sober alcoholics have to completely relearn how to have fun. I don't know if this will help you or not, but I came to eventually realize that boredom was a luxury. When I was actively drinking, I thought I needed constant entertainment. I had no skills for sitting still with myself. I am still not good at sitting still with myself, but I recognize that in order to be bored, that would mean I had no drama and chaos going on....that's a good thing. Boredom sure beats drunken drama and misery.
I know for my Dad in the beginning, it was hard for him to be around other drinkers. Most people that we knew who were 'drinking' buddies or family even that encouraged drinking were no longer part of our lives. He was lucky in that my Mum didn't drink so it was not in our house much. He took up coffee drinking like a mad man... also he took up running/jogging. And he smoked cigarettes like a chimney. For him, his AA meetings became a new (healthier) addiction.
Only you know your situation, but have you asked him if seeing you having a good time with a few beers maybe made him a little jealous???? Or upset.. or despondent.. I could be wrong of course.... NOt saying you have done anything wrong as I do not know either of you... Just a thought
I know for my partner as well, I used to think his boredom was with me but I realised he was happy drinking, etc.. and it was like the party had ended .. may be a little different scenario but I recognised it was the comedown after the good times, etc.. reading this reminded me how much part of the reason i needed to fix him was because i got sucked into the thinking somehow that the boredom was because of me so naturally i had to be the one to help it, etc.. hang in there & hope the hip recovers soon ..
Hi You raised a good question. Perhaps there is an element of I iwsh I could have a few beers like my wife. Sometimes I get confused about that issue. The first time my husband stopped drinking, I would never drink in front of him, Still never have beer in the house, and when people came over I only served soda and coffee. When he started sneaking and lying after I while I thought if I go out maybe, I will have a few. I go back and forth what to do. Thanks for the feedback.
