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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> No world-saving
Post Info TOPIC: No world-saving
atheos


Senior Member

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No world-saving
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The last few months, I thought I was having my quarter-life crisis. I wasn't. I thought I was in the wrong career. I'm not. It's the same old co-dependency, survivor guilt, and defects of character showing up in a new costume, and I fell for it. For a while, anyway.

I'm 25, recently out of college (a little more than a year now), and working in IT. I've loved computers since I was 12 and started teaching myself C++... but I lost my love of tinkering with computer stuff around the time my sister got sick.

Recently, I've been thinking a lot about going into biomedical research and finding cures for diseases... my character defects want the prestige of being Dr. Atheos, expert in whatever, my co-dependency wants to cure my sister, and my survivor guilt feels the need to over-achieve to make up for the fact that my sister may never get to do anything with her life.

But the reality of research science is drastically different... living from postdoc to postdoc, tenure-track publish-or-perish stress (if you can even get a tenure-track position), fighting for grants for anything I'd want to do, and the vast majority of PhDs never make it in research science and, after almost a decade of school and postdocs, have to find something else to do with their lives.

Versus in computing, where a good tinkerer and problem-solver is always going to be in demand, I can choose where I want to live instead of moving across the country to find work, my "prestige" character defect still gets a little feeding from non-technical people who see computer folk as wizards/geniuses (even though I certainly don't feel like one), and most tools of the trade are affordable to an individual so I can tinker to my heart's content at whatever pet projects I want without having to fight for grant funding!

Part of me is always going to wish I could do research, cure diseases, and make a difference in the world. But that's a fantasy -- the real world of research science isn't like that. And that really hurts right now, because I *really* want to make a difference in the world... the prestige character defect, the co-dependent urge to cure my sister, and the survivor guilt over-achieving are an extremely potent combo...

I think I need to let go of that and enjoy the life that I have. Computer tinkering may not save the world (at least, not directly, although I may be a cog in a machine that does good things) but it can be fun... isn't that enough?



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Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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Hi, I always tell students, do what you love and let nothing stop you. Is this your true passion to do research? Believe me the time it takes to get there is nothing.

I am sure you won't believe me. I am 59. I don't know where the years went, but they did. I do not regret going back to college in my 40 ties.

Research sounded good to me too.After 5 years of school and doing some premed etc. My mother diagnosed with Cancer and husband brain tumor. (my friend reminded me of having to work with lab animals so I changed my mind anyway!)

It would be MUCH easier if you are only 25 and walk on your path to your passion!

Is it your "passion?"  Becuz prestige is moot, the health care system is a mess, and if this new Health insurance passes, doc's are going to be in a real mess. All paid the same, very controlled. etc. Even now the medical field is very controlled.

I am so sad about your sis, your wanting to help her is natural and wonderful. But believe me she would much rather you spend time with her and love her. Sometimes all we can do is what we can at the moment. That is very enough.

You could do your computer work to get you thru college and all of it. part time or whatever.

Life goes by fast, and right now it is changing very fast. To get paid doing what you love is very good. I guess I am saying, if it is your passion, I would not let anyone stop me.

I wanted a home in the country, animal sanctuary, to marry this man I loved all my life. I got it. I wish of course it would have lasted longer, but I have no regrets.

Had I said go away to him when he came back, not moved up to my mountain, did not do all those years of serious rescue/rehab/adoption I would feel like I didn't do my part.

You are going to get to 35 anyway or 40, but guess what? IF you make the steps to do your passion, it will be there too!

My friend is a doc. I saw him start at our little community college. Watched him make a pair of shoes last a year or more, old car too. He would go up to maternity where they ladies were birthing and take their food to eat! lol

He has been a doc for many years now. A good one too. Neat guy.

I always told my kids to work at a job or career you love. Please don't do a job where you come home hating it. Not worth your life to be unhappy where ya work. They both do great at what they do!

My thought always is too, if someone else can do it I can. Am too old now, but really wanted to be a surgeon for emergencies. trauma type. Now my hands are unable and have been for years. But you are young!

I hope this helped some. Having a passion for something and following it, ignoring anyone who says something negative has made my life sooo much better! My passion is animals, and people who love them.

Also I LOVED working with special Ed kids of alllll kinds. did it 18 years! Plus my best friends brother has downs, he is my brother too!

I was able and am able to live my life how i want to still. that is precious!

hugs honey, debilyn who is excited for you!



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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atheos


Senior Member

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Posts: 129
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Debilyn, I wish I could believe it would work out... but the reality is, most people who set out attempting to become research scientists waste a decade of their lives on the degree and postdocs and then never land a permanent position. The amount of people out there who are now bitter thirty-somethings (or even 40-somethings) that started down the PhD route when they were my age, didn't make it into a permanent position, and say that doing a PhD has ruined their lives is scary! I don't think I could handle a decade of uncertainty and stress wondering if I'm going to end up like them...

And even the ones who "make it" run into pitfalls like not being able to do the research they want to if they can't get a grant for it, having to choose where they live based on their job instead of the other way around, having to deal with academic politics... My dream of life as a research scientist is VERY different from the reality.

As romantic as "follow your dream" is, I don't think it's realistic here. I think it's better to stay in computers, where I can be reasonably happy and have much greater freedom and security. And there's a lot to like about computers... intellectual challenge, freedom to tinker as I like... I used to love it before my sister got sick, and I think I need to rekindle that passion.

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Dolly Llama


Senior Member

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Posts: 284
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You can always "save the world" by starting in your own community. It does not have to be a career. Mentor a kid in the Big Bro/Sis program...volunteer to be an advocate for domestic violence survivors in the court system...help out Habitat for Humanity on the weekends...find an after-school program and teach kids how to use computers...donate your time and computer skills to spiff up a nonprofit's website. Whatever. You see my point? Saving the world is rarely a grand gesture on a global scale...it's the small, local connections and easing the suffering of your neighbors that makes a difference. :)

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Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
Oksie


Senior Member

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You are here helping me save my world

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A work in progress, always learning
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