The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm new to the forum and I'm in search of some much needed support. My OH is an alcohic/drug addict and I think I might be completely mad!
I met him 2 years ago as a recovering drug addict and he had done the 12 steps program. About a year in and he started drinking which he said was ok as it wasn't his drug of choice (stupidly, I believed him). His drinking gradually increased until he drank 2 bottles of vodka in one go, lost control and pushed me over so hard that I broke my arm. After separating for a while we're "trying" again and he has been about a week sober and has flung himself back into meetings and is starting the 12 step program again.
I know this is a good thing but there's so much about addiction that I don't understand. I'm trying hard to be supportive but I'm struggling. When he's drunk he's cold and unresponsive and when he's sober he just seems to twist me up in torrents of 12 step jargon. I've heard so many promises, it's hard not to be cynical but then he accuses me of not supporting him. He's kind of edged his way back into my life after our separation but I feel so lost and out of my depth here. Sorry this so long, any sage advice would be really appreciated x
My experience here has been that reading has helped me sooo much. I read every post on this board. I read books I read responses and messages that I didn't like and ones that made me laugh and cry and ones that made me get angry but then.. when I really opened my heart to them.. I could see what they were trying to say.
My strength to you is to offer the same chance. Be strong and listen to what the people here have to say and what the steps can teach you for your own sake. You will also need strength to stay in a addictive relationship. It is a chronically relapsing condition and it will be part of this relationship for its full duration. It will part of his life forever. This program will give you the strength to live with it if that is what you choose to do.
My hope for you is that you stick around and learn.
On this board we don't give advice. We give ESH, experience strength and hope. If we can identify with what you are saying, then we will share what worked or didn't work for us. It is up to you to decide if it will or won't work for you at this point in time.
The best support you can offer him, is your own healing.
it was not long.. Youre in the right place and you are NOT alone. Al-Anon has been the key to my sanity and happiness... I married an alcoholic/drug addict, myself. It was the best decision I ever did make.. not knowing it, it would lead me to these rooms.. Welcome.. and keep coming back.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
Most all of my experiences...good ones...come from inside the face to face meetings of the Al-Anon Family Groups. Call the hotline number from the white pages of your local telephone book and find out where and when we get together in your area. You've experience the pain of the disease...mind, body, spirit and emotions which include the broken arm. Now it is your turn to come seek healing. The alcoholic/addict will throw the guilt around and back at you...it's not real. You are not responsible for his sobriety and being clean; that's his responsibility whether you're around or not. You're not living your life for him...he has to learn how to do that for himself. He gets to find a power greater than alcohol and drugs and himself and...you.
Go look up that number and call....Keep coming back here also. ((((hugs))))
