My AH has three DUIs, but he "earned" them all before we started dating, so I was not with him during the process. He has told me a lot about what happened with his third, though, and I have become somewhat educated about the process since then because so many of his drinking friends get DUIs and then come to us asking for advice (I work in the legal industry).

Of course, it depends on the state/jurisdiction you are in. But when my husband got his third DUI (none of his DUIs were "aggravated," like your AH's, that I know of), he lost his license immediately, and could not drive even during the pendency of the case against him. For work reasons, he wanted to stretch the sentencing out as long as possible. He used that time to attend outpatient rehab and some AA meetings, and he quit drinking. He attended all the classes that the judge would require of him, on the advice of the expensive lawyer he hired (because he knew that for a third offense he could receive a sentence of a year or more in the state prison). to his credit, he did everything he was supposed to do, AND it appears, at least, that he was mentally prepared for a harsh sentence. Ultimately his high-powered lawyer was able to get him a 30 day sentence in the county jail (a MUCH less horrifying place to be than state prison), and a loss of license for two years with heightened insurance requirements for another 3 years after license reinstatement. My AH served 6 days of his sentence before being released due to overcrowding. His cell mate during those six days was a gang member awaiting extradition to another state for capital murder. He was dry for 6 months before his jail stay, and another 18 months or so after. We got together about a year after his jail stay. Six months later he was having 1-2 drinks once or twice a month. Today, three years later, he drinks every day, and I would estimate he has 50-75 cans of beer a week (bearing in mind that I am sure he is drinking on the sly, too). And yes, he is drinking and driving again. If/when he "earns" his fourth DUI, he is almost assured of at least a year in state prison, and the possible permanent revocation of his driver's license.

I know a lot less about his first two DUIs, but I do know he did not serve any jail time. In most jurisdictions, a "regular" (i.e. non-aggravated) DUI first offense does not bring jail time. I'm not sure about aggravated DUIs; that's an area where states can differ dramatically. He has numerous friends with two DUIs, and I do not recall hearing about how any of them served jail time.

Your AH can, however, count on losing his license for 1-3 years, depending on the laws in your state. As for how long it's taking, the wheels of justice turn veeeerrrrryyyyy slowly, and it is not hard to drag things out even more if you are sufficiently motivated to do so. My total off-the-cuff guess is that if your AH has a good lawyer, and he did not hurt anyone in the accident, he will probably receive probation and lose his license for awhile. But that is just a guess.

It sounds to me as if the DUI is just an opportunity for him to practice the blaming attitude that A's typically have -- "everything would be fine except that YOU did this and that -- and incidentally that's why I drink, which I otherwise have perfect control over."

It also sounds as if you have some expectations for the DUI -- that it will bring him to his senses, or that it will change his approach in some way.  The second time my AH got a DUI, that actually started to happen for a bit.  Our jurisdiction hits hard -- he had a mandatory outpatient rehab program, plus he lost his license for a while, plus he had to have a breathalyzer to start his car for a year.

I should add that for a number of years now he's been back drinking as hard as he ever did.

If you want to stay with your AH (not saying you should or shouldn't -- but it's a choice, not a requirement), it sounds as if it would be good to find a way to be detached enough not to be bothered by his sulking, blaming, and drinking.  Because it sounds as if you're right, he's not taking the right steps to make a good change.

Keep on taking good care of yourself.  Hugs.

OH, yes, I'm getting the blame game big time. And, then 2 sentences later he'll say things like this, "It's all my fault. I don't know why you stay with me. If this all goes to h*ll, you're not going to stick around. I'm a loser, etc". These statements always follow a blame or when he deflects his problems onto me. You this, you that, etc. The other night he told me that he's afraid to walk through the grocery store with me because when we walk past the booze he thinks I'm sitting there judging him and thinking nasty thoughts about him and about how he's probably tempted to drink again. Seriously? This is what he's coming up? I almost laughed at that point. He also told me that he went to his favorite drinking spot while on business last week and that he sat at the bar and ordered an iced tea to prove to himself that he's OK with giving up the beer/booze/whatever. So what? What response was he looking for from me? I said, "That's nice. Good for you." And, I felt like I was just taking his bait and that I probably should have said something else or nothing at all, LOL.

I guess what I'm hoping is that the DUI will set him straight but now I realize that 'once an addict, always an addict'. He may be dry but without really committing to changing his attitudes and working a program of real healing, he'll still be the same. So, I now turn the focus to me. He's still holding onto all his old ideals, his blaming, his sarcasm, passive aggressive thinking and behaviors, and he was like this for the first 15 years of my marriage except that now he's just doing it if I confront him(he's been really nice and compliant, though, most of the time during the day). I'm not really sure why I think the DUI might change things. I really have to let go of all that and just focus on today. Thank you all for sharing!

My ex, who I'm now living with again, got 2 DUI's within a 3-year period.

We lived together during his first DUI.  I recall the attorney had a way of dragging his case out in court.  I remember going to several hearings, only for the judge to reset the date.  It was a game, really.  But his expensive lawyer got him off on a wet and reckless offense.  He had a fine; I don't recall what it was.  His insurance sky rocketed.  He lost his license for a while - forget how long.

 

The 2nd DUI we were divorced.  The only consequences that I'm aware for this time around was that he had to serve community service at a Goodwill Store.  He also lost his license for a year.  He lost his job.  But had enough years in to retire with health benefits.

Both times after getting the DUI, he didn't commit to a program such as AA.

What grabbed his attention was when he tried to detox in order to attend one of our son's wedding.  He had extreme hallucinations that could have harmed others (not sharing the details).  He went into a rehab again.  Since then he has been sober.  This month is his 9th.  He has some nueropathy in his legs and feet - very painful.  This was caused by alcohol abuse.

Every alcoholic is different.  What it will take for yours to seek recovery is anyone's guess.

I truly, truly lost all hope for my ex when I divorced him.  I was convinced that he would let alcohol kill him.  It almost did.

 

when my son got his 4th DUI it was January 8, 2011 he sat in jail til April (this was the fast track cause his third DUI took over 6 months before he was even sentenced}  then after he was sentenced  to 5 yrs in prision or inpatient treatment with the department of corrections for 6 months.  He has been out for 4 months and the judge and his PO went ahead and gave him his licenses back so he can drive back and forth to work.. and he doesn't even have a job yet,, go figure,  Sorry that you are going though this,,

debbiems