The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I haven't been to a meeting yet. My boyfriend drinks quite regularly. He's a binge drinker. He doesn't drink at home but it he stays out until 2 or 4 once a week. He has lots his temper quite a few times. We have gone to councseling for a year. He doesn't get it. The counselor thought it would be wise that I go to al-anon. I'm going to go to a meeting next week. I want to know what to expect. Any advice
Don't worry too much about the first meeting... everybody there will remember what it was like when they were newcomers themselves, and will do anything they can to help make sure you are comfortable and welcome. There is no particular expectation of how you should/shouldn't act as a newcomer -- some people tell everything at their first meeting (we've always got kleenex handy), others don't talk at all at their first meeting -- and everything in-between. Whatever you are most comfortable with is what you should do, and it will be fine.
If there are multiple Al-Anon meetings in your area, try visiting a few different ones -- the "feel" can vary widely between groups, so trying a few increases your chances of finding a good fit.
My experience is that going to couples counselling, while the alcoholic is still actively drinking, is an exercise in futility (at best), and can quite often be worse than that....
Time to choose recovery - for YOU - and he'll either get better or he won't...
Take care
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I was in traditional marriage counseling with my first husband before we divorced (he is not an A). Now that I am married to an A, I can see very clearly how traditional marriage counseling would not work AT ALL in this instance, and as Tom said...could actually make the situation worse. That said, a dear friend of mine whose husband is addicted to opiates gave me the phone number for a group of certified addiction counselors who also do marriage counseling. THAT seems like it has a lot more potential.
But for me, no amount of marriage counseling will "cure" his problem, or mine for that matter. I need to work on myself, my co-dependency, and my obsession with my AH and his disease. I think marriage counseling can be a wonderful tool, if nothing else to create a safer environment to give voice to certain things. But I don't want to focus on that at the expense of focusing on my own recovery.
I'm with Tom on this one...couples counseling with an active A probably wont' work
I did it for over a year with my AH...he lied, said what he thought the counselor wanted to hear, and did whatever he wanted..and continued to use and lie about it.
