The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My son is 35-years old. He has been an alcoholic as long as i can remember his as an adult....he recently spent 90 days in jail and stayed he wanted to get straight and would we come get him away from the friends and stuff where he is living now. We figured sure why not, he got out of jail at approximately 9 am and was so positive sounding, by 3pm he was in the bar.......
My husband says that is it....we are not going to get him he needs to learn to help himself first.
Im just looking for some support and understanding from al-anon of what it is to be the mother of an alcoholic. I need to learn the difference between enabling and loving and supporting...........
Hi there.... first of all, welcome to MIP, and hope you'll find a lot of value from the great people on here....
I am a huge advocate of the books by Toby Rice Drews - two in particular would suit you and your circumstances...
"Getting Them Sober", volume one, is said to be one of the best books for anyone living around active alcholism. I can say, from experience, that this book literally saved my sanity...
"Getting Your Children Sober", also written by Toby, has many more specific things aimed at when your A is your child.
Hope that helps - they are both amazing books, and will start you well on your way to YOUR recovery.
Take care
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Hello and Welcome! You found your way to a wonderful place to learn and garner support, strength and wisdom in dealing with your son. I'm am sorry for the heartache, again. Books are great, and I too encourage you to read the ones mentioned above. My own husband has said thats it with our oldest. We are expecting our first grandchild from he and his wife this month. They live out of state, due to his alcoholism and I question whether she is...as well due to her pictures and behaviours...we have a very strained relationship. Hubs says no way to going to see them. I'm ok with that. I realize that is his response for today, and Nothing stays the same.
I've released him to God, he is in His hands. He loves our sons even more than we do. (OK, it is obvious, my faith is my strength and I am a Christian...not preaching to you or saying this is how you should believe. It is simply me, how I believe and how I process). My ex, is an alcoholic. Even though I went through Years of treatment, aftercare and alanon, it just about Killed me to say out loud that "my son is an an alcoholic. It lessens eachh tine I speak the truth. THe task is to say it with love and compassion versus anger and resentments.
God Speed to you and yours, and again, Welcome! You will make many friends here
Grace l
-- Edited by Grace7 on Wednesday 7th of March 2012 01:37:16 AM
I will not state to you the obvious that you are going through the greatest drain on your heart, emotions, money, and your soul.
There is no road map for this, I wish there was, I have been running along this path for over ten years.
My son went into rehab and began using the day he was released.
He has told me that he will never give up his drugs. I have not gotten to the point where I won't give him food when he comes to the house, I do more for him than I should only because of MY problem which is fear, the fear of him dying.
I stand my ground when I have the strength which can send a bad signal that I am not consistent, most the time I just wing it, but I did let him go to jail the last time he acted out and had the strength to not get him out.
I have a little verse I would like to share with you that I keep close to me:
Both my son and daughter and one maybe two grandsons are A/A, it's very hard to do the right thing with them, which is to let them be responsible for their own stuff. I've a friend who always say don't worry about grown people, they are going to do what they want to do anyway. I know how it breaks my heart to see them going through things, just last night, my grandson called 2x's I didn't answer the phone because I was afraid my daughter had thrown him out and he needed a place to stay. After 15+yrs of al anon, I felt terrorized just thinking about saying no, I prayed and called a prayer line for extra prayer, he didn't call back. I pray everyday many times a day for the courage to say no to my A/A's. I pray to accept the things I cannot change, that they have the disease, and will have learn what they need to do to have a good life. I pray for courage to change what I can change, I can focus on myself and be willing to believe that I am good enough to have a peaceful, serene and happy life. For me attending meetings, having a sponsor is a life savor. Keep coming back!.....Highlyfavored!
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Just go a step at a time, one day at a time. And you'll find a rich, thankful life you never thought you could afford.--A Rogers
