The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well I have been lurking here for a while. I have really enjoyed reading here and it has helped me to know I am not going at this alone.
Some back info on me. Been together with AH for 13 yrs, and we should be celebrating our 10 yr wedding anni this July. I say should cause I dont know what is up from down anymore. We have one son he is 5.
Alcohol has always been a problem from day one, but I thought he will grow up and out of it, well a year after we married things got really bad and I packed my things, thats when he quit just cold turkey he quit for 5 years thats when we had our son, our lives were right on track. My son just turned 1, and AH came to me and said um, I think I want to drink again. I was ferious I told him what I told him 5 yrs before you pick it up and I am gone.. well that didnt happen but alcohol did. At first it was fine, I dabbled in it with him things were good. But then it gradually become worse and back to the old normal. I even noticed I would prefer to drink along side with him so we got along and that is not like me but it was easier than fighting and feeling alone.But unlike him I can take it or leave it. My time with my family seems too important than liquid, just wish it was to him. He is a funtioning alcoholic, works everyday but by gosh will have 6-10 beers every night. On weekends he starts around 9-10am and doesnt stop till he sleeps. He doesnt hit me, or our son but it still bothers me. It bothers me he has to drink to be with us, do we really annoy him that much. We cant go anywhere unless there is alcohol, or he just doesnt go and its just the boy and I. I want a normal family not the "normal" but my normal, I dont even know what that is anymore. I am embarressed to no end, dont see my friends or family really anymore cause I dont want them to know whats going on in my life. When my son goes to grandmas I am scared he will say something. This is not the right way to think.
I have been really battling for the last few years, AH has attended AA and had a month here and there of soberity but always seems to relaps. I am just at my wits end I suppose. I have read a few books, marriage on the rock (living with alcohol) and if he loved me, he'd stop. They have really given me some great tools. I have looked up some meetings in my area but I am holding back I guess. Thinking why should I have to go, I work 50 hrs a day, cook, clean try to run the family etc.. but I guess that is why I need to go, I try to control everything and need to put these tools that are at my fingertips to use. I just need the courage to go and I know it will come. I have tried everything to make him stop, begged, pleaded cried but it doesnt make a difference. The only thing I dont get is he will admit he is an alcoholic and cant control it, but doesnt fix it. He even told me if I think the grass is greener on the otherside to just 'xxx' leave. That really hurt me, even though he said he didnt mean it. But maybe he did...
Ok enough rambling from me. Anyway thats my intro, thats me and my crazy life in a nutshell!
-- Edited by canadianguy on Tuesday 6th of March 2012 12:05:53 AM
I am so pleased to meet you and glad you introduced yourself. . I understand exactly how you feel about attending meetings and have verbalized the same
Unfortunately we are walking a painful road dealing with a cunning powerful disease that affects all it comes in contact with.
I do believe you answered your own objection when you reflected that crying , begging, pleading did not work and that these tools are causing you pain .When it became painfully clear that all my efforts were for nothing then I finally decided to give alanon a chance.
All my tools no longer worked and I was angry frightened, sad, and filled with self pity.
Alanon Face to Face meetings were my last ditch effort to stay sane Thank God I found this path!!! In Alanon I developed an understanding of how to Focus on myself, Live One Day at A Time putting first things first and trusting a Higher Power. Walking this road with others helped to break the isolation and the dreadful fear that I was all alone battling this insanity
Check out the meetings in your community at this site::
Awwww, I feel bad for you but it is like reading my own story. Yes, he is a functioning alcoholic. He brought home good money. And he would get home from work at 6 and drink whiskey until 9 when he would fall asleep in his recliner chair with the tv still on. He would fumble his way into bed sometime around 2 AM and get up at 6 AM and do it all over again. He would start drinking at noon on the weekend (he worked Sat. until 11) and be sleeping by 2 PM. Get awake at 4 and start drinking again. During a week vacation he would start at 10 and the whole day would be sleep, awake, sleep, awake....
All I can say to you is that he won't get better by himself. He has a disease that makes the booze more desireable than anything else in his life. Oh, I cried buckets over that one.... but it is true. You can't do anything about it. You can't control it or cure it. He has to stop because he wants to stop. He has to know that it is ruining his life.
I ended up going away without him a lot. I took the kids to whatever event they had to go to. I didn't want him with me smelling the way he did. We would often take 2 cars to family events so he could leave when he needed to get back to drink and I could stay with the kids and enjoy the family.
Get to Al-Anon and stay here on this site. You will continue to receive lots of good hints for living with an alcoholic. You can hold your son on your lap with a coloring book if you need to. Just get there and listen.
Well last night was a good night, I read and did some bookwork, watched cartoons with the kiddo and made awesome itialian beef sandwiches!!! AH had to work late, on that note he didnt actually stop by a bar or store for that hard drink, instead he actually came straight home he did have a few beers as I found them on the counter but I didnt really get to see him that much either as he walked in the door I was pretty much headed for the bed. Just enough time to say hi, goodnight and I love you baby. Funny how when I see the man I married walk through the door it makes me forget all the "bad" and how my heart can swell with love when I dont smell the alcohol.
Those are signs of a good person...someone who can build a great program. Keep on keeping on Kat; one step,one day at a time and of course welcome to the MIP board. ((((hugs))))
