The material presented
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My a/a's including my son, daughter, my daughter's boyfriend, and my daughters adult son, one of them stole a gold diamond ring and a pair of gold ear rings, I'm totally heardbroken, I loved those ear rings. I got over that, thinking God doesn't want me loving material things so much. The heart break is still here, just the idea that they would steal from me, I know it happened all the time, but for some reason I didn't think my people would do it to me. I know I should have called the police, I didn't. I just couldn't for some reason, it may have been pride and ego on my part. My daughter has been cleaning for me weekly, of course she denied taking the items and I want to believe her, I took my house keys back. I'm having mixed feelings about her working for me because she really need the money and I really need the help. I'm thinking now that she know I'm aware of the stealing incident and am watching nothing else will happen, and I really believe it was my adult grandson. This is probably my insanity I'm dealing with, the sane thing to do is detach physically from all of them until they can get in treatment and recovery. This is so hard, I trust in God's own timing, He will work it out.
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Just go a step at a time, one day at a time. And you'll find a rich, thankful life you never thought you could afford.--A Rogers
I completley understand, My AS has stolen more from our family than I can list and then some. It started with smaller items camera's small hand tools and then went to checks and debt cards, I too never called the police i probably should have but didn't. I still everytime he comes around am checking where my things are. I am sorry you are going through this,,, my thoughts are with you,
I dont' really have too much to ad for you. I am sorry you are dealing with this It is very difficult to stand up for ourselves sometimes and do what is right for us
my husband stole my entire tax refund check last yr.. it makes me soo sad. Its a disease and a cunning baffling and powerful one at that. that money was more important to him so he could get what he needed.. than me or my needs or our needs at the time.. that is what addiction does to beautiful people. I can't rewind the clocks and go back in time and make it not happen.. so I decided to move forward, praying to God to take care of my AH.. and going to the accountant with him this time.. with my checking number so the money can go directly in MY account.. accept what you cant change.. change what you can!!
-- Edited by Michelle814 on Sunday 4th of March 2012 03:41:49 PM
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
This is so hard, I trust in God's own timing, He will work it out.
So, true, but that does not mean we don't protect ourselves and our belongings.
The difference between an alcoholic and an addict is...
The alcoholic will steal from you and lie about it, the addict will steal from you, lie about it and help you look for it.
You have a right to your safe haven, no need to feel bad about not letting unsafe people in it, until they are ready to show they are truly doing something about the problem.
John
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" And what did we gain? A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."
An eye opening moment for me was finding my jewelry in a local pawn shop. Of course I already knew my exAH had taken it but seeing his signature on the pawn ticket gave me something inside I had been lacking. Whatever it was led to greater acceptance of my situation and what I could and could not change. I'm sorry you are having those feelings of loss and disappointment. And while it is good to not base happiness or too much importance on material things, I have to agree with John. We have a right to a safe haven and to the small things in life that are our very own treasures whether it is my great grandma's polished rocks or my jewelry. Hugs.
I was thinking I had no experience with this, but then I remembered finding my name forged on all sorts of documents and checks by my ex... I do know what that feels like. I felt mad and violated, but i also knew that I sort of let him do it cuz I didn't set boundaries clear enough. Not saying this is the case for you, but I guess I was locked in a state of inaction because I blamed myself for the way he acted.
I didn't cause it though and all the guilt and being frozen and conflicted was not necessary. Those behaviors were just unacceptable period. I had to care about myself more though before I realized how much I was being tread upon. That's just me though.... I can't tell you what your journey will be and this is different because they are your kids and grandchild not your spouse...
Thank you all for your input, John yours was so funny about the a vs. a since mine are both a/a it's hard to separate. I'm so tired of this journey with them, I know if they were anything other than kids/grand-kids I wouldn't be having this conversation. You would think after 25+yrs, and at least 15 of al anon I would be better at this, progress not perfection......Highfavored!!! P.S. I can see from reading some of my shares, at any moment, I seem to be ready to have a pity party!!
-- Edited by Highlyfavored on Monday 5th of March 2012 01:11:23 PM
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Just go a step at a time, one day at a time. And you'll find a rich, thankful life you never thought you could afford.--A Rogers
It's progress not perfection sis...Staying hyper-alert with dysfunctional, chemically addicted people all around can lead to a breakdown. I never caught my alcoholic/addict "before" the event...always found out after and that was reaction time when I didn't allow my self to think it thru the filter of the program. My program (Al-Anon) supports me toward getting rid of my enabling behaviors around "them". The stuff I do that by consequences hurt me and allows them further opportunities to become more entrenched in the disease/dysfunction. Trusting the alcoholic/addict (and others) was one of the best lessons in recovery for me. I sat and listened to my sponsor put the picture up for me so that I could see it clearly and then behave/trust appropriately. "Don't trust the alcoholic/addict for what she cannot give" was a major lesson. I was trusting mine as if she was normal...non-addicted until I woke up in this lesson and changed.
I read your post over and over and that part of the Serenity Prayer...Courage to change the things I can...leaps out at me. Trust your program and all it has to offer and the Higher Power that led you to it. ((((hugs))))
