The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This morning I have realised that my nickname appears to offend some people and while it would be easy to change it - the name I chose is part of my identity and part of who I am - not merely religious but my lifestyle and as I am currently doing a lot of work on regaining who I am and focusing on who I am as part of my recovery I do not wish to change it, but I also do not wish to offend anyone so I will stay away from the room.
I just want to take this opportunity to thank everyone for all the support I have gained from the board - I have met loads and loads of very lovely caring people and they have helped me through some very rough times.
I will stick to the boards so not to offend anyone.
Maybe I'm dense, but what's offensive about it? Am I missing something? Is the witch or pico offensive? I'm sorry I don't get it. But then I'm 103 years old. Sorry to see you leave. You've always given an interesting perspective on things. It's been valuable. Good luck on your recovery.
Live strong, Karilynnn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I too do not see anything offensive about your name. Maybe I am wrong but is it safe to assume you practice the Wiccan religion?
Alanon is for all faiths, we do not practice any one religion. We each have our own HP who we choose to worship and we all have a right to do so. We do not have to agree or believe anothers religion, but we do have to believe in each others rights to worship as we each see fit. Also use your Alanon skills in this. If someone is offended by who or what we are, it is not our problem to own, but their own. We Alanoners are too eager to always please, often at the expense of ourselves.
We all suffer from the same thing, we have been hurt or effected by a loved ones substance abuse.
I hope you will continue to visit the board often. We are all different in many ways and the same in others. This gives us all a perspective and lets us know that we are not alone.
I don't go to the chatroom and I am starting to think that people are forgetting the real reasons we are joining these places. I hope no-one is intimidating you we get enough of that from the A's in our lives. As you can see by my nickname I am into the astrology also luv feng shui etc. Beauty comes from within not from a name. I hope you re-consider as I would love to communicate on this board with you. Luv Leo x
Offensive? What? It is too bad some people have nothing better to occupy their time and thoughts besides another's choice of a nickname. *rolling my eyes* Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I know all religions are welcome in alanon but perhaps the second part of my name is too much like bringing religious issues into alanon although I use it not just in a religious context it is pretty much a large part of my personality, right down to how I dress.
However, a couple of people have made it clear today that they object to it and I do not wish to cause offence or make anyone else feel they cant come to the room because of my name as I know I would not be coping as well as I am right now without the help I got here and I don't want to drive anyone else away from that help. But I also owe it to myself not to give up my identity so this seems the best solution to me. Although things are going ok for me, I am not yet emotionally stable enough to cope with the thought that I am upsetting others.
While not nearly ad self identifying as a religion, I gave up something I love for 9 years for my A to have a dream of being a stay at home mom. It killed me inside. Now I'm playing catch up on my dream and there is a lot of resentment in the house for the amount of time I spend doing it. Some of it is the A hyping things out of proportion, cause she wasn't happy w/ the amount of time spent out of the house (two jobs) anyways. Some of it probably legit.
Now if I go to a baseball coaches board and spout my umpiring point of few. I will be run out of town. You've already admitted that you know that you and your religion fit in alanon. I haven't left an umpire board, even when I had a different viewpoint. I just continue to state my opinion.
Some peoples ideas of a HP is a door knob or a daughter or something else. I for one was not offended at all. Matter of fact I was looking foward to hearing some shares how your belief system intertwined some the program. I think it would have made for some very interesting ESH with some surprisingly similiar perspectives in addition to some unique ones as well. I have no expectations OF or FOR you but look hope someday to see you back.
Barely in Program~~~Bob
-- Edited by bobump at 09:44, 2005-11-20
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
I too don't see anything wrong with your nickname. I agree that this may be a 'teaching moment' as regards alanon skills. You are not here to please others, but to assist your own recovery, and, through sharing your ESH, to help those who are open to what you have to say.
I would like those who have given you grief about your name to maybe present their points of view, as I for one can't understand what they may be. We have had some openly Christian nicknames here, and no one objected - are they saying that maybe we should have, and not allowed such things?
Although most of us just say HP when refering to our spiritual lives, some choose to name their Higher Power. This doesn't bother me, even when I don't personally share their beliefs. This tolerance seems to me to be the basis of alanon.
Please don't allow yourself to be bullied out of here - this is not a Christian, Jewish, Moslem, Wiccan, Hindu, or Athiest board, but an alanon one.
Right. What if someone's real Given Name is Mohammed or Christian or .. etc? At a F2F I would expect them to say hello my name is Mohammed and the whole group respond in a chorus of hi Mohammed welcome.
I went for a walk after I replied to your post. I'm glad to see that others don't want you to go.
Here's the thing: to the people who are offended by your name - don't answer the post. If you don't like what's on TV, turn it off. I'm sorry but when I see this stuff going on it makes me angry. Here's a human being who adds value and insight to a topic, and people are driving Pico (or any membe for that matter) away because they are offended? I'm offended by that very thought! So this person looses, as well the rest of us whom enjoy different POVs, and insights that this member brings. When I see a post that I'm not sure how to answer, or don't like the tone of it, I don't answer it. It doesn't mean that they don't have a right to be there. I leave them be. If the moderators find that there is something wrong, they do a great job in taking care of it. This is a democracy. We all have the right to be here. To drive someone away because their name offends, offends me. I've looked back at their previous posts, and I find nothing wrong with them. Maybe some do. I don't know. But that's no reason to chase the member away.
People it's Thanksgiving! I am so grateful that I've found this board. It saved my life. I take what I like, and leave the rest. Can't we all just realize that we are here to help one another? We should be grateful that we have a safe place to come to and vent our feelings, to share all the joys, sorrows and happiness with each other. Do you realize how lucky we are? Some poor souls out there never get the chance! Please be more gentle and respectful of other's points of view. We all need each other. We have enough going on in our lives without this kind of drama.
Thanks for listening.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Dear pico, (as I like to call you)!!, Why? and Who? I really don't understand, I have never known of anyone taking offence to your name, I think it's a good name !!..
if I have done anything to upset you then PLEASE let me know and if I did then I am truly sorry
(eventhough I don't think I have)????
I haven't seen you in a while and it would be nice to talk to you again, so PLEASE DON'T stay away for too long!!!!!
I think my original post must have been misleading, I did not mean I was leaving the board completely and that people had made posts about my name being offensive to them, it is merely within the chatroom this has happened so it isonly the chatroom I have chosen to avoid, albeit that is where I have sourced a lot of support - but I cannot choose to change my name as who I am is very important to me right now - and my beliefs, along with alanon are what have kept me going.
I may have over-reacted as I am very fragile right now, but also at this point in time cannot live with the fact that something I choose to do may make someone else feel like they cannot source the help whcih I found so invaluable in the beginning so while it will be difficult for me to leave the chatroom, it is the only choice my conscience can let me make at the moment- I will not compromise my identity so I will compromise where I get my support instead.
Thanks to all who have sent me messages/replies and thanks to all who have helped me in the chat room with their shares and support and I'll see you around the message board.
I was thinking as I was reading the posts--all of which I whole heartedly agree with--what would have happened to me if I quit going to al anon because of my views. I know for sure that I have upset many a person--ironically, the same questions, tools, "stuff" I was told to use early on that I bristled at and became livid with (how dare you people don't make me a saint! ;)) became the same tools that I try to pass on to those currently suffering under the disease. Things like "What is your role?,""Do you have a sponsor?,""Have you prayed about that?,""What is your motive here?," and, everyone's favorite, "Why are you trying to control the uncontrollable and bring sanity to the insane?" have earned me many four letter words, horrible names, and derisions that no good Christian soul should ever be deferred to.
So, dear Pico, one of the things I have had to learn is 1) people have often found MIP when they are at their most vulnerable, in the most pain, and at their most volitile--this dangerous recipie creates people that strike out and act unreasonable for no reason, rationalizing things that are really just wrong. 2) The internet creates a comfort zone for people--why should I tell you who I really am, be honest with you about my feelings or, *gasp!* work on ME? I believe this site was created for people to get a sense of gumption up so they could go to face to face meetings; to get information about al anon, and to gain a sense of peace, because alcholism kills everything. 3) And always remember a lesson, dear Pico, that it took me many painful therapy sessions to understand: It is always, always, always, easier to blame another person for my pain or discomfort than it is for me to take responsibility and evaluate the situation for possible solutions.
I am sorry you feel a victim to other people's pain and grief. I wish that more of us were able to put the 12th tradition into practice, but, I'm not much good at that either. I love you dear. I do hope you come around.
You, and most others have done nothing but make me feel wanted, and help me thru some tough times.
I hope to keep in touch with u thru the boards, but am just not in a place where I can feel confortable in the chat room without wonderin if I am preventing others from accessing help because they cant see past their own beliefs. While I know this would be their issue not mine, I would hate to think of how I would be without the help I've had here so I cant stand in anyone elses way of gettin the same help.
I have not read all the replies, but the few that I did read said what I wanted to say! Especially Diva.
Please do not let anyone chase you away. I thought about leaving once, some people made me feel horrible for staying with my "A" and having small children. I mentioned this to a few people. John talked to me and I wish I could remember his exact words, but he basically said that I had been through the hurt that earns me a right to be here and safe! SO have you. Please do not let people guilt you into leaving.
Has John, Tom, or another moderator asked you to change your name? If not then there really isn't a problem.
For crying out loud we spent so much wasted time trying to please everyone else. It is time to stop now! (Sorry I am getting a little upset here) This program is for everyone! There is not distinction between religions, and I am glad for that. I have met some people I never would have met if I stuck with people who only believed what I believe.
Funny, I thought that this program was about tollerance and acceptance, I guess some people haven't learned that yet.
Keep Coming Back! This is your program to!
Much Love,
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
"Principles above personalities" I believe is one of the 12 step Traditions. To me that means everyone is welcome- Buddhist, Christian, Muslim, Wiccan or whatever. Live and let live. It saddens me when people don't respect anothers faith. Please keep coming to the board, I find you have much wisdom to share.
Usually I just say hi pico, cause I'm just plain too lazy to type everything sometimes! LOL! and sometimes I just sign in as joni21 cause I don't feel like typing the baloni part! I too have read what others have posted, and I too have to agree that we all have a right to be here and be heard. What happened to "Live and Let Live?" Do only alkies get to have that applied to them? We all need to be accepted for who we are, and it's sad that some have run you off. I always enjoyed chatting with you and hope that you will consider maybe coming back latter if you don't feel as tho you can now, maybe when you feel less vunerable and stronger in your recovery. I find I wear my feelings on my sleeves and get myself hurt by people's words a lot. Some one told me QTIP,= quit taking it personally, sometimes easier said than done! But I've tried asking myself, were they distracted by all the conversations going on at once in the chatroom or did they really just mean to be ugly directly to me? Sometimes I miss things while I'm typing something else so I assume others do too. I sure hope that you continue your recovery progress and that someday you come back in to the chatroom as I will miss your chatting with me. I will look for your postings in here on the board and check in and say hi sometimes too.
Dear Picowitch, I just had to come and reply to your post. There is a point that I myself have learned, and that point is, if I am feeling offended or upset by someone - I need to look within myself to see why I am reacting in that way. A big part of my program is learning how NOT to react, but rather to act in a loving kind way to all. Having said that, I would encourage you to come back to the room. It is NOT your job to make anyone else's recovery "easier" or more palatable. If they have a problem with your name, well look at the sentence... "they have a problem". Our 3 C's state...we can't change (it/them), we can't control (it/them), and we can't cure (it/them). We can't cure.... Let me ask this: If every one of us changed things about ourself in order not to offend others, things which are simply a part of who we are and we like about ourself, who does that benefit? In my mind, that is simply enabling someone else who hasn't learned acceptance, tolerance, unconditional love, this program. The "problem" is that some don't like your name?!? Well my goodness, How Important Is It??? Is this a life or death matter?? Perhaps these others need to get a grip on what truly matters. I, for one, will always welcome you to the room and be glad that you are there and keep coming back. It is nobody else's business what you choose to call yourself. Anyone feeling offended should take some time to look at themself, to ask why they are trying to control someone else, yes trying to control for what else is it when anyone says "you should change your name" but an attempt to control something about someone else that they don't like. It is nice that you are sensitive to others feelings, but please do think about what I've said regarding the enabling and whether you think it could fall into that category. And of course, as always, take what you like and leave the rest. *wink*
In fellowship love, Kis (one of them humble room moderator servants)
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Let your light shine in the darkness. "I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
and Who? 
