The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Diagnosed myself after reading an article and it said everything that I was feeling. Of course I FEEL like I've got good reasons (debt, bad marriage, kid having problems, bored with my job which is becoming more stressful each year). But whatever the reasons, i sit here looking back on my life and feel like I've accomplished little of importantance, not even knowing what I want right now. The only thing that rings a bell at all is playing guitar which I do most days and enjoy but as soon as I put it away the feeling fades. Going to meetings and therapy, medication.... but while I'm learning a ton about myself, nothing is making me feel better right now.
I feel like a failure, to myself and my daughter, hate where I'm at and scared to death of the future and any change it may bring (lately change has been a very bad thing....I've learned to dread it).
Ironically, had a terrible stomach virus that last two days and mentally felt better than usual. Now I feel physically better and depressed again.
I even started drinking alot but have since slowed down. I am taking better care of myself the last few months so I guess that's something but I just feel like I'm going through the motions. I'm trying to lose weight, get to bed earlier and all but so far i'm not feeling better....
I can definitely relate. I wish I had meetings to go to as I think that would help. But there are none available around here so I rely on this board and my literature. I try not to look back too much on my past life. A little bit of looking is good as it helps me to identify mistakes I made and where things went wrong. TOO MUCH looking back makes me feel like a failure and that is not at all constructive. I don't have much ESH to offer other than to look into the future instead of the past. Even if you don't know exactly what you want right now, I bet you have a pretty good idea of the things you don't want. Try to stay positive, take things one day (or hour, or minute) at a time. This too shall pass. Sending positive thoughts and support. You WILL be OK!
Aloha mj and that is called the "slide"...down ward kind. It isn't permanent unless you want it to be and have convinced yourself that the feeling is actually a good one. I've been on it time and time again and hate the feeling so I do what was suggested regarding literature, meetings, sponsorship contact, doing gratitude work and prayer and meditation to name just a few. Doing something that doesn't make it better isn't good program. Get to the next available meeting and restart your day. (((hugs)))
and Dory from "finding nemo" -- just keep swimming.
LOVE this one! I know a lot of us (especially those of us with young children) hear the same things from our friends and loved ones: "how do you do it all? How do you manage everything?" and the answer to me is always "because it has to be done. it has to be managed." We just put one foot in front of the other and keep on keeping on. I think it starts out as something we do for our kids. But with Al Anon, I am learning to do it for myself, too.
Chiming in here because I can really relate. Word for word, the feelings are the same. Going through the motions, and hoping this mental slogfest ends before too long.
For what its worth: you are not alone in the trenches! Let's keep digging upwards towards the sunlight.
