The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, my husband was physically abusive a secret A and addict. I had to get a protective order because of that.
I have had a protective order for a while, I had to go to court for it on Monday just to make sure it stayed in place. I have also filed for divorce and my lawyer has been talking to my A. My lawyer told him when the court date was for the protective order was and he did not show up to court. My son had Dad's night at his preschool and I told my husband he could go to it(he has been order to do supervised visits). I told him I would drop my son off and he could go into the preschool with my son for it.
Well, the next day he was served with the permanant protective order (the first one was just temporary) So then he tells his sister that he is not sure if he should go to the Dad's night. I told her it was fine we could communicate for vistation of the kids. So the A did not show up to Dad's night and disappointed my son. We could communicate for the kids and the protective order is no different than what we have had in the past, it was just , making sure it stayed in place.
My A has been nasty to me, he has broke into my house broke things, taken pictures and posted them on facebook, he stood my son up, and blames me for everything. He says he is so happy without me, he says I was the reason he drank. He says he has been sober for 6 months, but this does not look like behavior of someone in recovery.
What do you guys think? People in recovery I would think would take responsibility and be humble and make amends. He is doing none of that. He is hurting more and more. It is like he thinks of ways he can hurt me.
Do you think this sounds like someone in recovery, I believe he is still drinking with this behavior. Any ESH is appreciated.
What I can say is there is a big difference between someone in recovery, someone who is deep in recovery as opposed to early in recovery..... and a person who isn't drinking.
They are three different people.
In my opinion, an alcoholic can still be an alcoholic and not be drinking currently.
My issue is that your safety needs to be addressed and you are doing that. I'm sorry that this is hurting you and the kids that is really hard to see the kids hurt by disappointment. I don't know if he's drinking or not and really it doesn't matter. It only matters that your safe, taking care of you and your kids.
I agree that an alcoholic can absolutely be an alcoholic and not be drinking. If nothing changes nothing changes and it sounds like he's in a lot of pain, he def needs to address his issues. They are his to address not yours.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
From my experience that doesn't sound sober or sane. Accept it for what it is and do the next right thing. Continue with your program. My alcoholic/addict has to say something or just anything to defend herself and none of it was real. Bad disease. ((((hugs))))
You've taken a couple of very serious actions. You filed for divorce and you have an order of protection. His reason for staying away from your son's school night may not have anything to do with your son. If you've filed for divorce he may no longer consider you someone he can trust and may not believe you are telling him the truth about the school night. I'm sorry your son ended up disappointed. A situation like this is hard on everyone in the family.
As far wondering if he is sober because of how he is acting, .... well, some people act out like that and they aren't even drunks. Obsessively jealous, possessive, insecure, angry people act out. Sometimes it includes physical abuse. Your husband may be such a person even sober. Corking the bottle is great but not a cure all. He sounds like he has a few demons still hanging around. Maybe with the help of his higher power, he'll find his way.
I hope you've found some good Alanon meetings to attend and will continue taking good care of you and your son. Keep safe. TT
__________________
Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
