Panic-- any ideas would be welcomed - Al-Anon Family Group

debbiems · Veteran Member

Panic-- any ideas would be welcomed

danni · Senior Member

Well, I just got off the phone with my sponser regarding fighting between my almost 3 yr old and 5 yr. old driving me CRAZY and she suggested that as long as no one was in physical danger, I detatch with love, and let them figure it out with a "I know you can work it out". It is already helping. I know yours are grown and the circumstances are immensely different, but I am finding it helpful. Sending you support!!!

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I invite you to read your first sentence.

Maybe you missed what you want to do.

One thing I have learned for sure is, we do our children no favors by allowing them to stay in our homes when they are adults.

How will they ever make it on their own? How will they know they can?

No one can put us anywhere without our permission. No one can control us but ourselves. Being a mother we very easily forget to look at our wants and needs and follow thru with what we want for ourselves!

It's hard! I had to send my son out to try his wings at 22. He made me and makes me proud. My daughter moved out at 18, again makes me proud. She did it on her own.

Its not fair to them to keep them with us when they "need" to get out there. Plus when we allow them to live with us as adults, they never grow up.

I think about how what if birds did not teach their kids to fly then let them go? Its natural since creation that the adult kids make their own lives. Some cultures they do stay home or close to home. But they pay into the pot for the household, get married, have kids, have their own life.

I love what danni shared. Look at that perfect example of,"Nothing changes if nothing changes."

I know you are doing your best so far, so maybe make a read carpet with an arrow pointing to the door with hearts and flower petals on it, send them out to use their own wings!

When we do this, we are saying I love you, I KNOW you can make it.

Its not about the fighting or stealing or any of that. Look at what it really is.

hugs,debilyn

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Try not to think of it as "kicking them out." It's more like sending them on their own way.

GreenerGrass · Senior Member

It might help to give them a time frame, like you both need to find a new place in thirty days, I love you, but I just can't do this anymore. And stand firm even if they apologize. Say thanks for the apologies but my demand still remains, I'll be changing the locks April 1st. This is all just a suggestion, take what u like!;)

Wolfie55 · Senior Member

thanks for sharing

debbiems · Veteran Member

Thank you all for your ideas. It helps so much to know that its not me.. I am going to a F2F this evening I can't wait wasn't able to make it on Saturday and it seems like forever.

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