The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I asked him last night if he wanted to break up with me based on him never returning my calls, sleeping on the couch and lack of ANY intimacy. He said to me ''Are we dating?" Then heproceeded to try to make me feel guilty for hanging out with my friends who don't like him. He was sleeping, he is always sleeping, unless he is at work or drinking. We don't go out,makelove or even talk without bickering. The thing is, I am still trying to please him. My feelings were a little hurt when I told him I got "us" a Christmas tree and he didn't seem to care at all and even turned up his nose at the thought. Then I told him I wanted to spend some time with him and he started a fight with me and took off on his bike, drunk, and went to get food even though we have food here!!! AHHHHH!!! Why do I want to spend time with someone like this? We have nothing in common except for the bills and I still can't tell him to take a hike. I wish I could do it and know that I won't be depressed, suicidal or have panic attacks this time. I really don't trust myself or think that I am strong enough yet. I feel better having this place to vent and I am trying to make more of an effort to do things for me, but it won't happen overnight.
And while I am at it. He gives me guilt trips about this being my place and I have a car. He says things like "This is your place, your food and you have all the power." I am so sick of hearing that. It is my place and my car. I chose to do him a favor and he gives me crap about it? I wish I could just tell him if he doesn't like it he can leave and mean it.
the reason u dont want to tell him hit the road is because when hes not with you, you will be wondering if he's ok, hether hes alive or lying on a ditch somewhere drunk and hurt. the worry is enough to drive you mad! you dont want to feel alone... but guess what...you are alone... coz he doesnt care... about you or your situation. he wants you to beg him to stay, he knows you wudnt thro him out. its just a roof over his head. i was in the same situation as you and i got out. my head couldnt take the pressure anymore. life is way too short. be strong.
Hmmmmmm, sounds like you ae in a difficult situation.
Well I am glad you are here, this is a safe place to vent. Living with an "A" is hard. They are so wrapped up in thier own stuff that they can not be there for us.
Remember progress not perfection. One day at a time. ------ I know easier said than done. But working this program does get easier. We are constantly learning, growing, and changing.
You have some thinking to do about your wants and needs. If you are worried about what he might do if you ask him to leave, remember the three c's 1) You can't control it, 2) You didn't cause it, 3) and you can't cure it. Your "A" is going to do whatever he wants if he is living with you or not.
Do you go to meetings, here or f2f? Meeitngs can really help. Only you can figure out what is best for you, lol I am to sick to be giving advice.
Keep coming back. This program works if you work it.
Much Love,
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
Be gentle with yourself! Breaking up with someone even if you know you "should" can be a challenge, especially if you're not used to or are comfortable setting and enforcing boundaries. Whether or not you decide to break up with him, why not seek some support for yourself? Perhaps a therapist, face-to-face meetings, and, of course, this board can all be safe places to focus on and begin taking care of yourself. In other words, baby steps, baby steps! As you work your own program, you'll begin to gain strength to set boundaries and even, if that's what you choose to do, eventually be able to say goodbye.
