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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> High/Low
Post Info TOPIC: High/Low
Jackie11


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High/Low
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I knew that just having the conversation about needing help and a 3 day detox meant nothing more then the words said. I know this.

I know that life now is so different because of Al-Anon. I know that reading and researching have allowed me to grow and let go.

What I struggle with, is what is just the reality of being married to someone who is not an easy person to get along with and what is the disease. I've realized that everything can't be blamed on the alcohol, I knew this before I even found Al-Anon. How do I get past resenting him for ever asking me to marry him in the first place. Yet I accepted, I chose to marry him, I chose this life.

He tries and I know that he does. I try too, but as soon as I make a resolve I feel like I get slapped in the face (figuratively not literally) with something else.

Example, stating I would work on my own communication skills. So now when we're fighting and I'm biting my tongue I'm getting reminded that I said I would work on my own communication skills and why am I not saying anything.

I wanted to get married. I have seen great marriages. I do not have a great marriage. I can't figure out how much of it is me, how much of it is him and how much of it is the disease.

I think it was one of my readings today that said I'm not supposed to try and figure it out but rather just continue to do my best, or something like this. It's just so incredibly exhausting!



-- Edited by Jackie11 on Tuesday 28th of February 2012 09:37:23 AM

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Jackie11


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http://alanon.activeboard.com/t42157600/those-coping-well-with-marriage-to-an-active-alcoholic/

I appreciate this board so much, and I appreciate the search feature!!!! So much ESH!!!!



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Pushka


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Jackie,

Big hugs, ... if it helps and this is not a rationalization of his behavior .. it helps me to remember at this point it's all the disease. It's not personal, it's JADEing situations where he should be accepting responsibility and saying without any rationalizing or deflecting. I"m wrong, I hurt you, what can I do to make amends. That is where it stops though for their part. The only way that happens is through recovery.

All you have to do is figure out what is going on with you. Whatever he needs to do is what he needs to do and if nothing changes then nothing changes. When I can stop putting the focus outside of myself is when I get better and I can move in a positive direction.

I gotta let go of the outcome and stop forcing my will in situations where I have no real power.

Hugs P :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Jackie11


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http://alanon.activeboard.com/t32894835/why-do-so-many-women-stay-men-too/

I found another amazing thread!!! I'm sharing because I figure if they help me they might help someone else today.



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Breakingfree


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I am sending you love and support!

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
danni


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I am so happy you are on this site with us! I find your input and esh so valuable. Sending you support!

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stephaniej


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Jackie11 wrote:

I wanted to get married. I have seen great marriages. I do not have a great marriage. I can't figure out how much of it is me, how much of it is him and how much of it is the disease.

 I totally hear you on this one, Jackie.  And I think the me/him/disease calculus is at the very core of making a decision to stay or leave.  It's so hard to analyze and understand, and it certainly doesn't become clear overnight. 



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