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It has been a minute since I last wrote here, but I guess that is a good thing. I tend to vent on here when i worry about my ex. It has been almost 2 months since it has been over and I never felt better. I have started excersing and losing weight. Getting back into my arts and hobbies and business. Keeping myself busy wtih friends.
I went out of town this weekend and spent time with family. Out of no where something told me to check on his fb status and I saw that he is in jail but it was updated and I saw his ex or mother of his child said in a relationship. No surprised at all that they are back together but dissapointed.
My first reaction was sick to my stomach that I thought he was out of jail (which she updated for him) but it was out of fear and telling myself i never wanna hear or see this indivdiual again and that was my sign I was utterly done with him. My next reaction was bitterness bc I had faith in the girl I thought she would wake up after getting beat and her car stolen and move on. I am so happy and pro-women now with horrible men i thought she was serious when she was done with him. Its not my place to feel for her, I know but I started thinking what BS is he feeding her now, but the crazy side kicked in and was like what if he is changing what if he is gonna be some great "CLEAN" stable guy that can change in 2 months of jail bc she took him back and what if she is asking him if we will talk again and he says "No way I hate that girll, she ruined us"
I know my mind clearly wonders, but I am happy without him, I thank g-d for saving my life and I am working on a commited relationship with g-d and myself but I still dont want happy for him and I dont want her to be with him. she wrote a post tonight saying
It still amazes me how in life people will do things to you to see how far they can push you...What ever with age comes maturity and I too am very Good at Ignoring people!!!"
Made me feel like she is talking about me. needed a vent session but I hope my progress can help my mind relax as well, i have friends say there is no way he can change like that and just dont care about them.
-- Edited by Julie3310 on Tuesday 28th of February 2012 12:15:12 AM
Thanks for your post. I did a little snooping of my own about a month ago on my ex. The internet can be a both a blessing and a curse. I was very sorry to find news on him. It wasn't good news. I found a newspaper article, blogs etc. I began worrying about him and felt heartbroken that he hadn't found his way. I have not been with him for a lot of years now. It took days to let go and get back my focus back to my own life. I have been around in the program awhile. I reached out to my higher power to turn my will over and praye for the strength to resist trying to find out more information about the ex. It felt like the old obsession from my early days in Alanon. I felt panicked, helpless to fix his problem but I wanted to figure out a way to rescue him from himself. The old feeling of nobody understandng him quite the way I do came back. This was a tremendous slip in recovery for me. Luckily, I realized with my higher power's help that my ex has his own higher power available to him.
Everyone has their own life journey and lessons to learn. I felt pain and sadness about the way my ex is continuing to abuse his body and mind. You expressed frustration about how your ex's girlfriend continuing to accept his abuse. I am trying to remember I didn't cause it, can't control it and can't cure it. Everyday there is something I can work on in myself to grow in my recovery so my focus is back to me now. Thank God, the obsession lifted and I have not looked for anything concerning my ex since. I have prayed for him instead. My honest feelings today include feeling relieved to be removed from the insanity of his disease and that of his unrecovering family. I felt a sense of detachment and serenity when I thought of how much has changed in my life for the better since I chose myself first and stuck with this program
I hope you find peace with what you are feeling right now. More meetings, prayer and meditation and sharing with other helped me. Hugs. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Regarding facebook: Unfriend - If he is out of your life and no good comes of knowing these things - unfriend him on there. I can tell you from being in AA for years that it does take longer than 2 months to change. Also, this guy has a life long pattern of abusing and using others and that is not going to change. AA does not cure a sociopath. Jail does not cure a sociopath - In fact, it usually makes it worse. 90 percent of people will get out of jail talking a really good game and sounding like they want to turn their life around, but they did not have a profound change in there and they relapse into the same old behaviors exactly the same as a substance abuse relapse. I know this from years of working in that setting.
It's not possible or even wise to try and erase him from your memory, but at least recognize when you are sinking into your own negative thoughts that had you trapped and so confused in the relationship for so long.
He is always going to be scamming someone or playing someone cuz that is what he does. It doesn't matter any more cuz it's not you.
I like the ESH you received and I think you can believe your reactions you had after you snooped on him. I get a bad reaction afterward too and can get into a spiral if I don't call my sponsor and or a meeting. I hear a lot about him, what are you gonna do? I am glad you posted here and I am sending you much love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
