The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
We're in the process of moving. The new place is only about a mile away, but has about twice as much room as the old place, which will provide us all some much-needed personal space.
My AH has been drinking like it's his last day on the earth for the past week or so. All the work he said he would do last week for the move, didn't get done. I really had to turn the situation over to my HP, because it was work that I could not do on my own. Finally, and despite a near-constant state of drunkenness, my AH kicked it into high gear on Sunday and got most of our stuff moved. The essentials came over today, and we're spending our first night in the new place tonight. There are 1-2 more loads of random things left, which will come over tomorrow (either because he brings them, or because I bring them).
My friends, I did not nag. I did not obsess. I was mildly annoyed at the delay, but I did not let it ruin my day. There were moments when all the extreme drinking really started to get under my skin...when that started to happen, I would excuse myself to go to the bedroom, and read a funny, lighthearted book. On Saturday I went out to my AH's truck to give him a sheet of paper with an address on it, and he was sitting in the cab programming his GPS, with an open beer can in the cupholder. My surprise showed, and I got away from the situation as soon as I could. He called me a few minutes later, and I stayed very calm. I told him whether he chooses to drink is his business, not mine. He responded with "husbands and wives should be involved in each other's lives." I told him that I had made my feelings on the subject very clear many times, and that I was not going to continue to nag and beat my head against a wall. I was the picture of serenity. And he didn't lose his temper, either. He denied being a "raging alcoholic," and I just stayed non-committal and detached. I expressed concern about him drinking and driving, because of the danger he puts himself and others in. He came back with a very half-hearted denial, and I closed the conversation with a "this is your journey, and I have my own journey."
It works if you work it!!! You are working it! I know how very very very hard it is to not immediately react to a situation like the open beer can in the cup holder. I too have said, this is your journey and I've made my feelings clear. What I really want to do is scream, instead I walk away.
