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Some of the older folks may remember this song that Billy Preston put out in the 70's. I've been humming it a lot the last couple of weeks.
A few weeks ago, there was a horrible accident in our area where a school bus collided with a dump truck, killing an 11 year old girl and critically injuring 3 other children. It's just impossible to fathom this experience and to have it "make sense"...Impossible that is unless you've submitted your will to your HP.
Why did this happen? That's the way God planned it, that's the way God wants it to be. Asking why and trying to understand it just shows how strong our will can be. We don't want things like this to happen, and we won't accept them. But all we can do is ask why.
We are not in control. Not of dump trucks that collide with school buses full of young children. Not of whether or not it will rain tomorrow. And we are not in control of our qualifiers.
Embrace that and you've gone a long way to finding that elusive serenity. I'm not there, but I'm trying...
There is a reading in the ODAT that states "Stop asking Why: If you know why or do not know why the event still happened and needs to be accepted. I always puzzled about that because I thought if I knew I could figure out how to change it, fix it. to suit my reality That was my obsession and disease thinking Accepting reality, accepting my being powerless over people, places and things was a huge step in my recovery
I hear your growth in that direction as well Acceptance is the key
I was raised in Al-Anon like Hotrod was. My sponsor taught me that the only reply to the question why when I wasn't ready to accept was another why. In practice that is true so I no longer ask the why question; rather I have learned to ask my HP "What is it that you see I can do with this and help me to do that". That is the "God's will" reflection for me. So often I have proved to myself that many of the things I had the power of decision in didn't include God's will at all. It started with my choice and intention and fixing that today is what my recovery is about.
I agree on the stopping with the why's and focusing on what's. There is never a logical why answer in anything that is tragic, be it addition, death in the young, injuries, illness. The why's are never answered, some of those answers are not for us to know.
My brother above me is straight to the point with his prayers to his HP, another gem I am scribbling down!
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Just anothr thought on this topic I do believe that serenity comes with acceptance because I have stopped fighting against a situation that I have no control over. I am not dancing in the flowers as a result but at a deep level I feel at peace and then can decide what to do . I think HP gives me the serenity first so that I can then use the courage nad wisdom
The Courage to Change Page 256 summarized the ODAT on the meaning of acceptance. To Paraphrase:
" Acceptance does not mean surrender to a degrading situation; It means accepting the FACTS of the situation, then deciding what we can do about it.
Acceptance can be very empowering because it makes choice possible "
For me . . Accepting my son's death from this disease was very difficult. I know that once I reached this place, I still felt sad, but I stopped fighting the reality and stopped asking WHY.I no longer asked "what if" or "I should have" It just was and then I could focus on how I must take care of my grief . Go to grief counseling, work the program.etc Until I reached acceptance I was not able to get past my anger, resentment self pity or fear .
Acceptance is the key for me
-- Edited by hotrod on Tuesday 28th of February 2012 11:33:13 AM
-- Edited by hotrod on Tuesday 28th of February 2012 11:34:03 AM
Just a couple things struck me about your post - It's really focused on acceptance which is indeed a HUGE part of the 12 steps. Anyhow:
There is one level of recovery which is discovering what we do not control - That can consume so much focus and it's difficult to hand things over. Even if you do this really really well, that doesn't necessarily bring serenity because:
There is that second and last part of the serenity prayer that implores us to change the things we can.
I have found after a few years in recovery that it's a tenuous balance between the two. Acceptance of EVERYTHING leads to feeling helpless and bitter because there are some things you can change (i.e., you can't change certain people, jobs..., but you definitely can alter your exposure to them). Too much focus on change and not enough on acceptance leads you to also be unhappy cuz you go grasping at straws and expending energy trying to change things that can't be changed.
So, when you are close to your HP and growing in the program, you get bursts of serenity because you are living in God's will. It's not always the case and life is tough, but this way is certainly easier, more meaningful, and better than what we had before right?
In other words usetobeanyer, I just wanted to clarify that everlasting serenity is a great goal, but it's not going to happen for any of us and the work in the program goes on because life is fluid, full of changes, and we will always have new situations and dilemmas where we don't know whether to be accepting or take a different path.
So of course you are not there yet - none of us is always serene. I don't think even God made us to be that way.
You both really hit the nail on the head; first, regarding the serenity prayer...I always feel so comfortable saying the first part but not the second part. You mean I may have to actually do something? When my wife was driving drunk last year I just knew I had to do something and it was so hard. So much easier just to say "well, I'm just going to accept it". It's a tricky one. I think the serenity prayer speaks to so many people because there is just this sense of "phew, I don't have to actually do anything, I can just accept it". But the second part is so important.
And on the other hand, as HotRod says, accepting the facts of the situation, and then deciding what to do. To me, that means, rather than feeling rage and disgust and anger at my wife driving drunk, I could accept it as a horrible consequence of her disease. And then, act accordingly. HotRod's example sums it up perfectly, regarding losing her son...as hard as it must have been, accepting it, and then dealing with the grief that came with it.
