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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> patience? rsvp
Post Info TOPIC: patience? rsvp
hotrod


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Hi One Day at a Time
I believe that I developed "Patience " using alanon tools. First and most importantly after I understood that i was powerless over others, I stopped focusing on anyone else's behavior . I stopped my unrealistic expectations of people and stopped judging and critiquing them
 
I then began to fill the emptiness within myself, that I had created by focusing on others instead of myself.
 I found that impatience and unrealistic expectations were keeping me from being the person I wanted to be. I wanted these lifted and replaced with patience and understanding and compassion. I asked HP to lift my defects so that my patience and compassion could flourish.
 
It is a process.
 
 When I finally accepted that the only one I could change was myself , I set about the program with vigilance. Working the Steps dong my mediations, reading my daily readers, preparing gratitude and assets list, attending meetings kept me very busy and not able to worry about others.
 
One day I realized that God had granted me Serenity and what a precious gift it was
 
Keep coming back you are worth it.


-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 27th of February 2012 03:09:06 PM

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
1 day at a time


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im finally after a long time feeling quite content with my life im making alot of changes in the right direction and growing as a person.the only thing thats missing is the relationship i wish to have with my recovering ah.i feel really good about myself,and really good about the person who he has grown into.as we are working on ourselves.even during the time he was a active alocholic there always the times in between that that closeness and intimacy was there and i really miss that.why do i feel that i cannot have compleate serenity untill we get there?.i know i have to be respectful that he is not there yet.i feel like i have a puzzle that im puting together ,its like im waiting for one piece in the mail so i can keep putting the rest together but everytime i check the mail its still not there.what can i do to fill that void?everything is good in my life right now so why cant i be more patient with waiting for that peice of the puzzle?confuseconfuseconfuse



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Pushka


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I like to look at patience as "preparation time" maybe I'm not as ready as I think I am and it just means I need to look inward and keep working on me.

Hugs P :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Jerry F


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Wow Pushka and Hotrod...Power program!!  Thanks much for that.

One day at a time if you don't have the "Just for Today" meditation pamphlet yet I suggest you get this powerful tool and keep hanging around these ladies.   Hmmmm  First meditation on that Pamphlet is "Just for today I will live thru this day only and not try to tackle all of my problems at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appall if I felt I had to keep it up for a lifetime.  

There's more at http://www.sygnetswans.com/alanon.html and I got my pamphlet in the meeting rooms.  It is very centering; mind, body, spirit and emotions.  Give it a shot.

(((((hugs))))) smile

 

 



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Debilyn


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For me one day at a time, making each one count changed my life.

This way I don't wait for something that may never come, and enjoy the now.

We have no idea what changes there may be in our relationship. Expectations are dangerous, to me anyway. I won't set myself up ever again to be torn apart.

A's in recovery are on their own journey, they nor we know what our relationship may or may not be in the future! Does not do any good to wait for things that may  never come. But to enjoy and make precious what we do have with them.

These people have a disease, it does not get better, it's for life. I am so glad he is working hard on his program.

You may come to know him in a different way. Is that ok for you?

Believe me for me just to have him in the same room or on our property was precious to me. no we were not intimate anymore. Sadly many, many times they cannot perform like they used to. They are having a hard enough time learning recovery, to put themselves in a position of failure is so very hard for them to face. This is my experience with my ex AH.

It is what it is. Maybe the loss of that is too hard for you to face so you "wait" instead of taking things as they come?

Congrats on your program too! many hugs,debilyn

 



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Kay49forsth july


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I think that I have too much patience where alcohol and survivng alcoholics, and my family are concerned. In my case I need courage to make the hard decisions in my family.



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kael1539


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Oh I can so relate to your position, only my AH is not in recovery at all. It is sad, I am trying to give up any illusions of what I want our relationship to be.

My situation is different than yours in that now my eyes are opening to signs all along that I actually never had a marriage, I just THOUGHT we did. My AH is incapable of loving another person, I do believe, and I was a person of such low self worth that I accepted a very disrespectful, distant, disengaged etc. partner for years. I tried to make believe he was someone he was not. I was the one doing a lot of stuff to make up for a very incomplete marriage, and all the time I just made myself crazier and my self worth kept plummeting. I am just now seeing all this and it hurts.

All I am doing is trying to live in Gods will, not mine. It is mine to have a certain marriage that I envision, but that is not what I have and I can't control that. Only myself.



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1 day at a time


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thankyou every one for your replies.they were very insightful.im just going to keeping working on me and hope that in time the relationship does work itself out, the thought of it not working out is much too painful for me to face right now for i am still so very in love with him and im sure i could never be the one to end it.but i guess i will have to be ready to except if he does.not sure how without falling apart but i guess that ok as long as i can put myself back together again.but i can not concentrait on that right now because it just makes me feel sick.so i will hope and pray for a better tomorrow and enjoy what i have today.thank you to all alanon members for the understanding. i do truly know i am never alone.


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