New to this and need some one to talk to - Al-Anon Family Group

phur · Newbie

New to this and need some one to talk to

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Page 1 of 1 sorted by Oldest FirstNewest First

Hi Jennifer

Welcome to the Miracle in Progress (MIP) Board

I am so glad you found us and reached out, You are not alone and there is a wonderful group in your community :Alanon Face to Face meetings that can support you.

Alanon believes that Alcoholism is a disease and living with this disease causes destructive changes in every person behavior. and offers a simple program of recovery. use face to face meetings to help us break the isolation of this disease, we learn how to Focus on ourselves Live One Day at a Time, trusting the new tools we develop and knowing that we are powerless of any other person.

You can find meetings in your community at this site http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

Keep coming back There is hope and support available

__________________

Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud

Subscribe

Tom P · Newbie

I can relate and im on the verge of leaving. How much is enough? I dont know but im just a newbie here.

Green Eyes · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Phur. Hotrod has given you some great suggestions here. I, too, used to email, text and write letter to my AH letting him know how concerned I was about his drinking and the effects it was having on our family. Through Al-Anon, I learned that I have no control over his drinking and that no amount of threats or deals with him were doing to work as long as he did not want to stop. Now I am in control of myself and am working on taking care of me. I hope that you will look into finding a meeting in your area. I'm glad that you shared here today. There is hope if you seek it.

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

I hope you take Hotrod's advice and look into Al Anon, it has been my saving grace as I'm in turmoil myself right now. It really helps you gain perspective over what may be right for you and if you find a sponsor they can help you learn how to set boundaries, practice detachment, and get on with your own life(with or without the alcoholic). There really is hope. Also, I wanted to add that even if they quit drinking it doesn't mean there won't be problems. They drink for a reason and once the alcohol is removed, they have to deal with themselves. So, if you have a program like Al Anon behind you, it will help you deal with your relationship in a positive manner whether he's drinking or not. Keep coming back and keep asking questions.

whitedove · Member

A little over a month ago I was very sad, betrayed, alone and depressed due to my being hurt by my boyfriend. Since I have found al-anon I have learned to make peace for myself. My boyfriend can never really hurt me again, because I no longer am concerned with what he does. I wish him the best, but what he does with his life is his business. I did not cause his disease, cannot cure him and cannot control him.

So I am working on helping myself. If you have not yet attended a face to face meeting try to do that today. You will be overwhelmed by the love and acceptance waiting there for you. Do not deny yourself any longer of the chance to make your life peaceful and serene.

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

You received great ESH so far, I too am glad you found us here and hope you can find local Al-anon meetings. Those meetings and my sponsor have changed my life for the much better! Sending you love and support!

Michelle814 · ~*Service Worker*~

al-anon has been my saving grace. I hope you do this for yourself!!!!

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Both Phur and Tom....Welcome. Only you can decide when enough is enough and nobody here is going to be able to decide what that is for you. What I can say is that Alanon will help you devise some boundaries for your own sanity. It will help you recognize better where your own life diverges from your spouse so that you stop seeing your life as being completely in the crapper because your spouse is a drunk. It will help you regain your footing and see what you can control versus what you can't. It can give you peace of mind even if your partner doesn't change at all. It can set you up to be more stable and ready to make decisions instead of being at a hopeless and desperate point.

So for those reasons, I would pursue face to face meetings and delving more in the program. The answers offered are not simple and the clarity of "what to do" arrives from working on yourself, growing more confident, building a better support system, and just learning new spiritual ways of looking at your struggles and having the faith to get through things using tools that alanon gives you.

So...welcome to recovery. The road is not simple but nothing worth having is easy to obtain. If it was as easy as dumping your partner and moving on, nobody would need alanon. If it was as easy as just accepting they are a drunk and moving on....same story. The truth is usually in the middle and the scenario needs to play out how your HP intends it and at an understanding that you are comfortable with and ready for.

Prayers for you,

Mark

alexmaui · Veteran Member

Phur- Welcome
I was married for 18 years . I know the pain of watching someone you love just fade away. I talked, begged and tried to fix my AH for 6 years before i realized i could no longer live with him. It broke my heart and it broke his. But he couldn't stop drinking and I couldn't live in the chaos anymore.
The people on these boards have been through the same thing as you....I used this board as my first step towards a f2f meeting. Once I felt comfortable sharing my shame and isolation here- I could face going to a meeting. I sat quietly in meetings for awhile and then one day it felt right to share. It's a gradual transition. By coming here, you are taking the first steps to getting control of your life....good luck...hugs and blessings

surfgirl123 · Senior Member

Truly, Alanon is the best first step anyone in our shoes can take. Start there and see where your journey takes you, it isn't easy but with Alanon I have found that I am starting to sort out my thoughts and feelings. One day at a time. Prayers and hugs.

dlstevens3 · Newbie

Me too. I don't know if I am doing this wrong. I get no response.

orchidlover · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to this group. There is a really good book that is available through lots of venues called Getting them Sober. The title is actually an irony because of course it isn't about "them" its about us.

Being around someone who is behaving so self destructively is very difficult. I can understand you are at your wit's end. Some of the tools al anon suggests like detaching and focusing on ourselves are a real tall order at first. In time they become valuable tools. Its like using a drill at first we are a bit inept in the end after hours of practice it becomes second nature.

I'm so glad you are here.

Maresie.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.