The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
kids have been with their Dad since weds..I have a terrible cold...and then spent 1 1/2 hours this morning shoveling 8 inches of heavy snow..by myself...but I think my fever broke while I was out shoveling...
though the snow was pretty, I was focused on this stuff in my head...why does no one ask ME if I need help? people drive by in the plow trucks..no one offers to come by...my nephew could come by and just unplug the heavy stuff at the end of the driveway..what a help just that would be... people know that I am a single mom...does no one SEE me or care about me? I guess I really am not worthy of attention....etc
((Rehprof)), I'm sorry that you are struggling. Sending you cyber hugs and positive thoughts today. Remember, that this too shall pass and you will get through it. Praying you feel better soon, too!
One thing I learned here is to ask for help , when we appear to be in control of things people think were okay , call your nephew ask if he could come help . If we dont ask people assume that were okay .
I am a single Mom too and I am learning to reach out and ask for help finally, after my sponsor pointed out that its not anyones job to read my mind or help take care of me. I have learned to ask and I am seeing people happy to help when I let go of my expectations and just ask. It really is an inside job, but sometimes reaching out and delegating can help. Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
The only thing I can say Reprof is that I had to get better at asking for help. Not sayign this is what you are doing, but I used to expect help and people to treat me as nice as I did them, but not everyone is in tune to feelings so they really need you to ask for help. (As I respond I see others offered the same feedback).
I so understand and asking for help was a big key for me. People can't or don't read minds and if they don't get that you need help most people don't just offer. Asking is something that i"m working on with my Alanon family when I need help.
Hugs P :)
Big hugs, I hope you are feeling better!!! I hope you do something special for you while the kids are at their dads. It has been hard for me when my kids aren't around, I'm finding that spending that time doing something that makes me feel good about me, they come home to a much happier mommy.
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I know I made the right choice by divorcing my AH...yet there are times when I really would like more people in my life...getting used to being single again is not easy...and at times disconcerting...
I don't want to give up my house and property...but sometimes it is overwhelming...when fuses blow and pipes break...woodstoves..lugging firewood...shoveling (because I can't afford the plow guy)...
and..I'm a perfectionist (truth is OUT!) -- so I always feel like things aren't done well enough...
OY. Lots of work to do on my stinkin thinkin (also known as my Nana tapes).
I have to say what I mean now and not say it mean. If I dont want to do the dishes I just ask my husband to do them. I think the same may apply here. I dont know how old your children are but maybe making a list of chores that they would help you out with. You have to take care of yourself and people cannot read minds. Ask for help, not in a mean way or in a woe is me way. just ask in a non chalant, these are the facts, I cant do it all on my own way.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
rehprof, I sympathize a lot. When I was married to my first husband, he came with a HUGE extended family who always provided each other with help and support. As I grew and our marriage continued on over time, I began to realize that a lot of that help and "support" wasn't the healthiest type of help and support, but once we divorced I found that I missed their presence terribly, even though I absolutely, totally, unequivocally knew that divorcing my husband was the right thing to do. But there was still a void where their presence had once been.
Like many others, I had to work on getting better at asking for help. Consider it a HUGE first step that you came here, voiced your feelings, and asked for help and support. for years, even THAT was virtually impossible for me.
