The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Woke up feeling so much better it wasn't funny. Im almost elated. I know I have to bring that down a bit and get more 'centred'
Yesterday, after I had a realisation about the triggers and where that awful feeling came from..... I ate. and ate. and ate. well yo uget the picture. Mostly bad food. I guess that is something to work on later. Right now, I am not worrying bout that so much.
My husband and I had a chat. I didnt' tell him what had triggered me. No point getting on his back about drinking, may as well start out with the program principles from day dot hey. His drinking has never bothered me before, it was his smoking. I can see he is substituting but hey... thats his issue aint it.
I just said it was 'little Linda' issues. He hates me going to therapy cos he can see it gets me upset. I have explained to him that I get upset wiht our witout counselling so I may as well get upset wtih a support system. He doesn't understand why I want to drag things up from my past. He just likes to keep his buried. I tried to explain they affect me either way so I may as well meet them head on and try to work them out.
We were good. We had a cuddle and went out for dinner.. Sushi so at least it was half good food.....
He didn't drink much last night at all I don't think.. not sure.. I didn't pay much attention. What I did do was sit with him and my little self for the evening. Every now and then I held little me's hand and told her we were ok.
Today.. I have woken up literally with a smile on my face. Hubby got up early to go to his first job and fetched my little chihuahua's and put them on the bed with me.. they wake me up with tails wagging and tiny little cute faces in my face... it was sooo nice. He did the same yesterday morning but it made no difference that day. Today I appreciated it.
I found my head starting to think about things but today I just knew it was both of us thinking it, not a child in control. She is here. I feel like a split personality at the moment, but I am sure we will integrate through help and practice.
Phew.. what a day. Today, I am taking her and hubby to a rock climbing indoor thing mainly for kids I think. Now this is to challenge me and her to do things we never did as a kid. Now I am over 100kg (sorry don't know pounds) but that is very very big. So... usually that woudl stop me doing things (im too big for organised horse riding, tandem skydives... too heavy), but this time.. I am gonna go do it and I don't care if I am on the kiddy wall. My husband is very atheltic and skinny sohe will think its just a walk in the park.. thats ok. That handsome man loves me regardless.
(((Oksie))), I'm SO glad you're feeling better today. This may sound weird but just the fact that you are doing better makes me feel better. Go figure! Thanks for sharing!
Those days are wonderful. I hope they keep on for you & you are able to continue to work on healing the little girl inside. Ps- a good inner child theray: write yourself a letter from child with your left hand. Amazing!!! Xoxo:)
