The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well today my a badgered my 13 yo daughter for money 6 times. The offers included I'll pay you back double, I'll let you hold my engagement ring so you know you can trust me, what can I buy you to get you to give me the money.
When she held strong, in between the times the 13 oo refused, she asked me for a blank check for Walmart. Stupid I'm not. Of course now the 14 yo now attacks me. Of course he doesn't trust you, Your an ahole. She offered to sell her sister, her neice 4 pks of cigarrets for the bargain price of $14 (the going rate for this weeks prefered beverage) She left a msg for a neighbor. She got it.
Well at least I find humor that someone else is enabling her because I was pretty pissed off about her badgering her 13 yo daughter.
It's hard to detach when the kids get sucked in.
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
You are so right! Find the humour.. that helps me see a situation with a bit more clarity, and helps me remove the emotions out of the situation.
Too sad that she felt she had to badger a teenager for cash. Lesson to those new in the program, let go and let god, but educate everyone about the disease. (Step 12) We can't change them, and when WE stop enabling them, they will search for others who will. No matter how hard we work our program, that is just the nature of the disease.
Thats why it is so important that they are made aware of this disease and what it can do. I always hated that my children have to know more about alcoholism than anyone should know, but knowing makes their lives easier. I try not to blame my husband to them, and it amazes me how much they actually get. They belong to really good programs in their schools. It is not Alateen, but they are age appropriate programs for children whos parents suffer from an addiction. The program starts as early as Kindergarten in a group called Rainbows. The programs have made the kids much more aware and compassionate. It also keeps them from hating him and blaming me.
She's going to do what she wants, but at least you know it is not you enabling her.
I am sorry your kids r being dragged in - I hate it when ppl try to use their kids as weapons - it makes the kid feel like there is something wrong w/ them, when one parent speaks badly of the other... since they are half of that person too.
Surely educating them on the disease is a necessity, since (as I'm sure you've already found out) girls develop incredibly faster than boys, as females it is in our DNA to be relational (relationship oriented) as this is one of our main functions within the family. I'm sure you're girls are quite procoscious as all young teens are - when I was 13, I was going on 17/18 & looked it too!!!
If oly I had found the program at 13 & not 18, I might not have "thought I knew it all" & dismissed it for 19 years -- but my ass is black & blue from kicking it so much. My fav pamphlet is for the Family, the one that talks about the A's weapons & how they control the family.
It is progressive & insidious. I'm still struggling, as I just spent 40 minutes walking around in 50* weather clling out to a cat that (no doubt) is charming the pants off someone right now. It will probably take him 3 or 4 days to remember he has a family that loves him. Walking around outside calling out his name, made me feel helpless & hopeless & all I can do repeatedly is pray, give it to God & try to forgive myself.
It may seem like a ludicrous analogy but right now that's all I've got.
love, -K
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
No analogy is ludicrous. All we have to share is our experiences or those that someone has shared. I got some insights today from someone sharing about how their 18 yo daughter handled a broken bone that may keep her out of a national championship for something.
Totally unrelated to the disease but a great example of having Hope but not expectations.
Speaking of hope, I'm sorry you haven't found your friend yet. I hope that soon you'll be reunited.
keep us posted,
bob
__________________
You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
Thanks for your posts. I do learn from them. My daughter is clean and sober for now but the situations you share sure ring past bells for me and maybe even future events that if happen I can learn from how well you are handling things. I think you are doing so well with your growth and program! I agree with Jeannie on the kids things. You have some great replies here bobump. Keep coming back. your friend in recovery , cdb :)
