The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The ex A was and will be the last relationship where I jump in and then blame him for not being who I needed.
My lifelong pattern has been to rush into relationships believing that any relationship I have will be changed by the superhuman force of my love.
Granted there are many things in my life I can't change for the moment, being ina an awful retail job, being unemployed (I work 24 hours a week rather than 60 plus), being in a rental which isn't ideal....being lonely, being isolated, being poor, being in need of so much.
What I do have control over is who I choose to be romantic with. Lately I have come across two men who have shown interest. In the past my pattern was if someone showed interest in me was to throw caution to the wind and jump in believing I can solve everything. Now after dealing with a 5 plus year aftermath of a relationship with a drug user/addict/alcoholic/ reckless person and more.
These days I get to make a choice. The choice isnt based on income, education or future posibilities (oh how the ex A could hook me in with those possibilities). The choices are made on my assessment of their boundaries, emotional growth, addictions and life choices.
Of course I don't lay that on the line for anyone. I'm not here to fix anyone but myself. These days rather than feel my loneliness justied my choices. I choose how to deal with my loneliness rather than put myself in precarious situations. These days when I feel like I would like to be in a relationship I look at my priorities. A relatonship at the moment is no longer the highest priority. At one time it was the only reason for my existence.
I try to be graceful about how I turn people down. I can cloak it in business and my own problems (believe me I have them). I can also choose ...and that's the big change I choose rather than allow a relationship to happen..I choose who i am going to be with and how much time and energy I am going to devote to them. When I meet needy men I'm no longer of the opionion I need to fix them. I'm of the opinon I need to fix me and only me.
What a gift this program can bring quite unexpectedly. I have not been thinking about relationship much except how I would like one. I have not been actively looking for anyone. My priorities are elsewhere. Meantime the gift of being able to take care of myself rather than surrender msyelf to someone else crept up on me and I am so grateful to have that happen.
Great share, I am actually used to being alone and like it these days. I used to be desperate and a clingon, but now I am pretty relaxed. I do get lonesome at times, but I love my life right now after all I put myself through with my exAH. The next man will have to amaze me and I will be worthy! Sending you love and support.
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
maresie, I've always been a bit impulsive and more than ready to take a ¨leap of faith¨. It's worked well for me in the past. But my latest leap (moving to another country with a man I loved, but didn't realize was going to become an alcoholic) left me landing flat on my face. At this point I don't know if I will ever have another romantic relationship in my life. In some ways, that's pretty sad. But in other ways, it doesn't matter. I'm learning to take care of myself, I have things I enjoy doing alone, I have friends when I want company. The biggest thing is that (as much as possible in an imperfect world). I'm happy with who I am. Thanks for the share.
