Hi (((Family))),

I got a little deeper bit of understanding this Sunday morning, sitting in a meeting of my "other" program.  The priest was sharing about a story of Jesus healing a paralytic person who was carried to Him by his family.  Jesus heals the paralytic person then tells him to, stand up, pick up his mat and go home.  I have heard this story many times but somehow never noticed the "pick up your mat" part of the story.  The priest this morning explained that this was a very important part of the story, for picking up and taking the mat with him was to serve as his "cross to bear".  His reminder of where he had come from, least he forget to be grateful for what he had been given.

I once had a conversation with someone who had been in the program for a few years, who was basically saying they were tired of hearing the same ole' stories from some of the old timers in meetings.  At the time I felt like there was some validity to that, but even then I understood how important it is for newcomers to the meetings to hear our stories.  Even if I have heard the story many times, they have not.  And I said as much to the person I was having the conversation with.

And I definately know it is important for me to remember "what it was like" before I got into recovery.  I will have been going to meetings for 8 years this next April.  I hear myself telling the same stories over and over again now myself!    Oh sure, I am making new ones all the time too, but that makes those old stories, those pre-recovery stories, no less important to me. 

I need to carry my mat.  Not to dwell on it.  Not to relive it with each telling.  But to remember in full "stereo" what it was like and what it could be like again, if I get complacent about working my program.  I know me.  And when things are by and large good in my life, like they are right now, I can get lazy about my program.  And when I get lazy, my constant companion, the Family Disease of Alcoholism, gets the opportunity to flex it's considerable muscles again. 

And for me getting lazy doesn't mean I quit going to meetings.  I still go to the same two meetings I have been attending for almost 8 years now.  I hold service positions at the group, district and area levels.  I am extremely active in the Al-Anon Family groups.  But that doesn't always mean I am living my program to it's fullest potential.

There has been an issue going around my life right now that I have been finding myself obsessing about.  And guess what?  It involves me trying to think of ways to control the behaviors of ....gasp!....another person!  And this person just happens to be an extremely narcissistic teenager (is there any other kind?) 

Today's reminder about carrying my mat, really helped me to see myself clearer.  I knew I was obsessing.  But somehow I felt it was justified...yet again....because I know better.  I know what that other person needs to do and what they need not to do.  When I rolled out my mat for a closer inspection this afternoon, I could see those old behaviors more clearly.  With more understanding of how what I am doing now, hurt me so very deeply in the past.

I thank my Higher Power for sending me a reminder today.  I need to keep the focus on my own mat.  Let Him work on getting someone else to focus on their mat.

Yours still in recovery,

David