It doesn't necessarily matter if it is legal or not. Alcohol is legal and it can completely wreck and diminish a person's ability to parent. How you handle him being a parent is a decsion that you will need to make with your support system and utilizing your higher power.

With regard to parenting - Addictive behavior is not the central issue persay - it is irresponsible behavior. Sometimes it may help to stay focused on that because, while drugs may be the largest part of this problem, it's his irresponsibility that has you concerned the most right?

Hugs Meto2,

I'm so not a lawyer .. I would be talking to some kind of attorney for verification in your state. If he has documented issues then the law should be on your side. I can't remember if he does or not. The whole blowing off visitation I think if you document what is going on and there is a pattern even if it's his word against yours they may not be able to do anything right that second. The law will bring in a mediator or social services and then they will be the ones who can say .. he didn't show and so on.

You are not doing anything wrong and his family doesn't mean jackwagon as far as that stuff goes.

I like the ESH you have already received and agree buffer the disappointment with something else it doesn't need to hit the pocket book it can make it a fun day for the kids.

Hugs P :)

Pink that was extremely powerful .. Thank you .. good reminder and help to focus .. yes .. it's the irresponsibility that hits us the most .. and yet i do see that ability to respond hiding behind those words; his ability is lessened when he's using .. Never the less .. alcohol is legal and yes it does make it hard to parent .. I am so grateful to have all of your shares and the help to reason things through when the lights go out in my neighborhood so to speak ..

I like the idea of the library .. After I left here earlier (i've been gone a few hours, hence the later reply) .. i began thinking of how we could do this .. that he can call from the place we say we'll meet .. it will show on my caller id and if he really goes there; then we will too. If he's in the neighborhood, he can call once in awhile and if there's time, we'll meet .. if not, we'll raincheck .. I also did think that from now on when he calls ( for now ) .. i will not be putting our daughter on immediately but I will tell him why .. Last week, he called and set up visits with her and then didn't show .. it's not her he needs to set these up with of course it's me .. but with him telling her, he dug the dagger even deeper ..

I have spoken with lawyers and have been told I have to prove Everything and that it's hard .. that if we went to court it would only go downhill (for me) from there .. he has more rights than he knows .. although I do document now everything I can to show ..

As far as my thinking goes, I recognised after leaving here that when I said I thought this person would get better in time .. what I meant was that we would be able to reasonably set up visits and it would go smoother .. I realise my thinking he would get better is my lightbulb moment and my insanity for now .. Because The disease is progressive .. when I left here I stopped in stepchat.com and it was mentioned to me that this thinking is my denial .. lightbulb .. I see it with my family .. certain members .. thinking eventually they'll get better .. also part of my denial .. the only piece of truth in this is that i know eventually I will get better because i'm showing up and working the steps which only work if we work them .. and yes i do work them which is why it blows me away whenever i find something i thought i worked through but then that's the reality .. i will always have the Effects of others' and my own thinking and behaviors to work through !!