This is so funny! He said the exact same thing, he was not into 13th stepping.

I was new, what can I say? I assumed waaay too much, I thought I could TRUST everyone in the fellowship, not yet knowing that it is, in fact, a fellowship of sick people. I thought he had had that spiritual awakening, he certainly posed as such...

What ended up happening, he was suddenly out of my life and I had to endure the loss of yet another relationship, and some days I just wanted to die. What a score that wouldve been for the disease, right Bernie?




Twisted Servant said: "And good luck with that."

Actually, it has nothing to do with luck today, Bernie. It has to do with Me being responsible for myself.

With that said,. 20 years ago in my City there were very few men attending meetings and I was asked by a male member to be his sponsor I was hesitant at first but we talked, drew strong boundaries and began the process  I am proud to say we are still sponsor and sponsee and IT worked    No one jumped the boundary

-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 19th of February 2012 07:14:55 PM

Wolfie/Bernie andMIP family...This post brings to the fore front many recovery lessons over the 3+ decades I've participated.  I remember the start wandering around in the dark with my eyes closed looking for some light and a door so that I could exit that dark room I found myself trapped in.  I was there as the consequences of many of my own choices and that way of thinking, feeling and acting would last a long time while I attended the lessons of the program.  I was told to get a sponsor and I got one using the what I had at that time and I didn't know that a sponsor is still basically a person in the program for much the same reasons as I and who thought they could be of use to me.  We were both sick and my first sponsor (she) had more time than I and we at times helped each other but that is not the reason the relationship broke up (alcoholism is a disease of relationships) in the end.  She wanted someone she could have trust in and lean on and I was running on testosterone and adrenalin and only verbally the steps, traditions, slogans, and the power greater than myself was the person I was...power, manipulation and control.  It didn't work.  It wouldn't work.  It couldn't work and thank God for the break.

With more time I learned more and stopped practicing behaviors I learned before program.  Some of these enabling behaviors continued to threaten my mind, body, spirit and emotions and I started to practice the opposite of them.  I went for male sponsorship...males who seemed to have what I didn't and wanted.  Bill S....trust and commitment.  Don.T....Trust, commitment, patience, honesty with self and others, practice, open mindedness, think dammit, think!!"  Al...God, meditation, prayer, a wider relationship with God and humility; "You're not God and that is humorous cause you try soooo hard".  These and others I am so grateful for even for the times we fought thru lessons and even during the times when they apologized to me for sponsoring thru ego rather than thru the wishes and directions of HP.   Yes the humility again. 

Ever have times when you sponsored your sponsor?  I have.  At times I was asked to for a moment.  Other times I asked if I could be of help to them...and that is what I learned is openminded, humble sponsorship.  We all come from the same place into the same spiritual classrooms of recovery.  When Don.T was my sponsor he taught..."If you cannot at times let your sponsee sponsor you...don't sponsor...you're not equipped".   He was perfectly right on.  I did my 6th forth step with him and the goal of that endeavor was to look for "the taproot of my character defects".  I pulled out the old lessons and continued to listen in the meetings and wrote and thought thru the filter of honesty with self and when it was over I came up with one three letter word on the piece of paper I handed to him.   The tap root of all of my character defects is "Ego".  Easing God Out ... and acting like it's my job or asset.  That is what I struggle with today...my ego.  I know what it sounds like, feels like, tastes like, thinks like.   It centers around the letter "I" and Don.T taught me that the best way to handle that was to cut the I in half and put a period over it...or "i".  i am only human and falible and in progression not perfection.  Everything I have to day that is of value to my life has been freely given by others...I have thought up none of it.

I have agreed to "help" women in the program.  That means I have boundaries and an agreement.  I will support a woman only up to their 4th step; the doing of it, not the reading of it.  They are to take their 5th step to a female trusted servant; in or out of the program.  I have my reasons and they are very clear to me and me mostly.  It is how I help and although the females in early Al-Anon suggested to me that "I get in touch with my female side...(emotions), I know the difference between thoughts, behaviors, motivations, beliefs and the like.  I don't always say, "I understand" to another member in recovery who has walked a different trail than I.  I am not perfect. I am not God so I don't act that out anymore.  When I did I stayed in trouble and brought others in with me.

Don.T and the others taught me the perspective of "qualified trust" which means trusting to the capacity of who I am in a relationship with.  I first learned it thru "not trusting the alcoholic/addict wife for support where she was not capable".  When I learned that I was very less hurt and angry and confused and depressed.  She could not give me what she was unable to.  That played out into all relationships in my life then as now.  I use "qualified trust" in my life today.   I listen, watch, filter thru my experiences and my self awareness and then decide how much I trust I can have and the whole thing is wrapped in unconditional love as a rule. Trusting is optional for me, Loving is not. 

Some of my guidelines come from the program.  I trust the elders who came before me and left their experiences for me..."Men on men" - "Women on women".  "You cannot give away something you have not got."  "Hurt people, hurt people" (often without intention).  "When in doubt....Don.T" (guess where this one came from?).  "First thing in the morning when you get up from sleep, Kill your ego...bury your pride."

I'm blessed with recovery memory.  MIP adds to that memory every time I come home to it.  Thank you God. The subject for me is also trust and from my ESH this is making a long story short.

Thanks for letting me share. ((((hugs))))   

PS...Bernie/Wolfie I am also a diagnosed dual (personality that is) the first initial of my other personality's name is "G" for which my sponsor Don taught me "doesn't mean God" and for which God wants me clear on and living who I really am.

-- Edited by Jerry F on Monday 20th of February 2012 02:26:08 PM