The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
We all have moments of weakness. That second post of yours definitely has a lot of recovery in it. As much as you can stay in that mindset, it will help you move through this. You have a life and you are moving forward. You are showing that your happiness and peace of mind does not rest with him. Look towards your higher power for comfort and look away from him and what he is doing.
I really empathize and I know this is not easy. Words like abandoning and affair might be true but they upset you and drive you into more self-pity than you can afford. Much praise on all the positive things you are doing! Keep us updated!
**P.S. At just 2 years sober a person has really only just learned to live life without alchohol. All the hard lessons come between two and 5 years when life smacks the newly recovering person in the face. Meanwhile, he will always say how great he is doing to you and others and he will praise sobriety because that is what he needs to do to avoid relapse. It takes much longer to be able to state "life is not great right now. I am confused and have problems" and still not drink. That is my experience at least.
-- Edited by pinkchip on Friday 17th of February 2012 05:39:29 PM
2 yrs clean and sober today......he is living 8 blocks away, having an affair and abandoning his kids. My son went to school again with no breakfast and no lunch money.
He is posting on fb how proud he is of his accompishments and what a better person he is...and I am sad that he does not even care to celebrate this miles stone with me or his family...its unexplainable to me that I am in more pain now that he is sober then I ever was when he was drinking...
Thanks for the update, but as my wise old sponsor used to remind me.....
Okay, enough about your A.... how are YOU doing? How is YOUR recovery going? Are you doing the things YOU need to do, in order to have peace & serenity in YOUR life?
He's either gonna drink (or boast, or whatever) or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?
Choose recovery for YOU.... you & your child will never regret it..
Take care
T
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Agree with Tom... Yes, the way you are looking at things may be valid and it may be true but it doesn't help you. It makes you feel worse. You have to live in the solution. He is doing crappy stuff but you don't have to be his victim any more. What are you going to do other than be mad at him and continue to let him ruin your life?
I agree with and know all of this...I had been doing really well until yesterday. Im going to a meeting tonight and starting my running group tomorrow morning. We will be fine...it just felt really sad when I woke up this morning. I know I cant dwell on it, it is what it is...all I can do is concentrate on me and my kids and keep moving forward.
Ah I love your name - I feel I've always been wantinganswers. Trust me you can find them, but not worrying about him and his FB posts. FB can certainly disrupt serenity. I had to delete/block my husband because his relapses were always evident on FB. It was another tool I used to snoop on him and it was destroying my sanity. I don't know if you can delete him, but it might be worth considering if his posts trigger stuff in you.
You are doing great - concentrate on you and your kids. You are worth finding all the answers you want!!! Much love and support to you -
your name is what I want too...answers. And the only answer for you is for you to keep on living your life. If you need a little revenge remember that a good life and happiness is the best revenge. But don't think of it like that for the long term. Do it for you. He will have repercussions from abandoning his family, and don't envy the woman in the affair. She doesn't have a good deal either. Hold your head high and have a happy life. Take care of the children.
Thank you everyone...today was a hard day, Im not even really sure why...Im glad he is sober and healthy, physically anyway...hes not getting DUIs or putting his and others lives at risk anymore. I get that...and said a pray for him today that it continues and he stays strong in his sobriety.
I guess I just keep hoping that he will "wake up" as they say and see that he has a family who love him and maybe put effort into that instead of what he is doing now...It feels like we suffered for 17 years through his sickness and now that he is sober, we dont get to reap the rewards??? I know that sounds crazy...
I have come a long way...im aware that I enabled the hell out of him and I dont do it anymore...at this point im avoiding him and letting him live his life and concentrateing on mine and my kids. and really im sure he likes it that way. It obviouse that guilt is eating him up...I dont understand it..but then again its not mine to understand.
thank you for the support....it means alot today..
I have wanted answers too. My AHSober hasn't drank in over 20 years. He was in the program for awhile but not any more. He moved out seven years ago when our youngest son graduated from high school. He doesn't drink but goes to bars, hangs out with drinkers, and buys booze for other women. One of the bits of advice I received here was to quit asking why. It is alcoholism. Why would a man leave a 30 year marriage after raising our children and all that we have been through. It is still painful. We have no relationship, we don't do anything as a family. I hope when you say running group you mean exercise because in all of this I will not compromise my health. Stay in recovery for yourself and your children.
I also stopped asking why after working on that with a great sponsor and then I stopped looking for my alcoholic/addict wife to veryify me and be my reason for happiness. Not her job and she's powerless over it. Regardless of what she was choosing to do...I am responsible for my life and my happiness. Be your own hero and hang with a power greater than yourself to keep balance. ((((hugs))))
