Post traumatic stress? - Al-Anon Family Group

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Post traumatic stress?

GreenerGrass · Senior Member

So, aside from my father who is a desperately sick, barely functioning alcoholic, my alcoholic husband, I also have a recovering drug addict sister. I tend to forget about the impact she has had on my sickness. She introduced me to drugs when I was young and I won't even get into how bad that was, but it's a miracle I'm alive or not a drug addict today. For years, a lot of years she was basically missing, living on the streets doing heroin. She was in a few rehabs until she finally seems to be ok now. Recovering as far as I know. But I remember all those years praying so hard for her, please make her be ok, etc, and I look back now and go , wow that was super hard and stressful on me in my teenage years and young adult years, like I just need to acknowledge that and soothe myself. I have never received an apology from her for putting me and her family through that, whatever. It's so sick that now nobody talks to her about it, the past, and neither does she and I feel like a kid who wants to scream! As i felt a lot growing up. I was the youngest and i just quietly watched the insanity tear my family apart. I feel like I have so much work to do on my emotions and soothing the past stresses but don't know what to do. Do I just say, oh well that's the past, it's over, do I write my feelings down? What do you guys do about past hurts and stress that bother you when you remember them?

Lindaoakford · ~*Service Worker*~

GreenerGrass... I could have written that passage....

I sooooo identify with you. I believe it is the chronic post traumatic stress that created my BPD type traits.

For me, it is helping so much to STOP saying "that is the past lets put it behind us".

I have asked my self the Dr Phil question "So hows that working for ya?"

It isn't working for me. I have come to realise that I can't address that stuff on my own. I now pay for a psychologist to assist me.

At first it seemed to 'dramatic' to say I go to a psych to deal with my past... so ummmmm.. catastrophising and melodramatic.. days of our lives stuff....

I have gotten over that feeling and I know now, that if I hadn't gone... I would still be wandering around, limiting my past and 'putting it behind me' instead of dealing with its impacts on my present.

I have in the past tried to do it alone by writing it down etc etc. There is a difference for me between writing it down and stuff.. journalling.. and connecting with the feelings that it brought up.

This is one of the hardest things I have done in my life. I am allowing myself to feel the hurt, accept the feelings and really feel them in a controlled safe place. It is very cathartic. I can't believe that I have cried in front of a stranger and been so vulnerable and then actually returned to the psych office for more!!!!!! I must be mad hahahaha.

I could ramble on forever... basically I really identify with what you have written, and for me, I have found it helpful to actually scream and then do the grounding exercising and the mindfulness training that I learned. But not to push away the feelings, to assist me in actually feeling them and stay safe.

I hope that has helped in some small way. Come and share on the ACoA board if you feel like you would like to.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha GG and I have my hand up also as a person affected by post traumatic Stress disorder....being the victim not having someone come to my aid and not successfully protecting myself and having the people I was supposed to trust often be the perpetrators of my fear/stress. When I came to my own aid I was blamed and shamed for how I did it and I didn't know or have the rules on how you do self support...until I got to Al-Anon years and years after the damage. My self protection was inappropriate and I often did to others what they were seeming to do to me.

Early in program the fellowship talked about "dragging our baggage around with us where ever we went and found outselves" and after self reflection I felt that was true for me. Then we talked about solution...leaving our baggage or problems at the door before entering the meeting and then picking it back up as we left as we wanted to. UHG!! I didn't want that at all so I went on to other hard solutions...acceptance, detachment, forgiveness, compassion and empathy and understanding. That was the long work and often I didn't want to do it because I felt that by letting it go I would loose the value of blaming others and putting the spotlight on myself with the inventory question, "What was my part in it?". The parts are all not "BAD" because alcoholism and drug addiction are not moral issues. My parts were not solution based and only reactions to situations without thought, plans and positive consequences. I didn't know...and I didn't know that I didn't know. No one told me or even knew themselves that the huge elephant in the living room was alcoholism and that I would have to have long tons of ESH from others who understood better than I how to deal within it and live with better consequences.

PTSD? I'll probably have it, but not as pronounced, for the rest of my life. The latest episode of police assault caused a major emotional and mental and spiritual upset in my life; of course that included the physical. I went thru the self hatred and anger for not defending myself more rigorously while I also applauded the ability to temper my situation and not make it fatal. I went thru the mind illness that there are people out there who are ready to harm me for no justifiable reason. I go thru the old illusions that others are more important and powerful that I and my part is to be the victim. I vacillate with standing up for my health, safety and freedom between "Oh well and letting it pass" and "There is no justification for violence, that is my believe and that my values of fair, honest and just go both ways not just toward others."

Post traumatic stress...keep us around you, hold on to your sponsor, don't let go of the hemline of your HP's robe, walk the serenity prayer, and keep yourself squarely at the top of the list of people you love unconditionally.

Thanks so much for your ESH...I need the support right now.

(((((hugs))))) smile

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Green what has helped me over the years is to write journals. Also I would write everything down, tuck it away. then bring it out later, if I felt I was done with that, worked it enough by journaling, couseling,learning to love me, I would do some kind of ceremony, burn it, send it off on a piece of wood in the river. Let it go.

Also I used to pretend to be able to look down on me from above and pretend she was one of my best friends, and do for her what I felt she needed.

Being tender with yourself can help.

Now after all these years things still happen. But now I just think, yep that is life. Things happen, so deal with it and go on. then I let me think about it some, maybe cry some and again let go and give it to HP.

I hope you find some serenity. love,debilyn

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm trying to cope with a lot of anger at the moment .. truthfully what I have to say and what I will say are two totally different things. It helps me to write things out and just burn the letter literally saying a prayer of letting go and letting God. It relieves the pain and I get a clean slate without having to throw my claws into another person.

Hugs p :)

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.