The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last weekend, my AH moved out. I had made the decision in early December, based on him breaking an important boundary, but we had agreed that we would keep living in the same house for 2 months, to give him time to figure out what he is going to do. So, on SAT, I helped him move all of his big stuff to a storage locker (he is house-sitting for a friend at present) and it went well. He didn't get drunk, neither of us was upset or mad or anything, just getting it done. Sunday I had the house to myself. The craziest thing - I feel healing beginning already. My mind feels spacious!!!! It really does!!!! I guess not having him and his drinking and his problems to think about leaves me a bunch of room in my brain to do other things! I felt HAPPY! Excited! So much so, that I felt scared - like I needed to dial it down a notch, so nobody or nothing would notice and jinx me! (not that I really believe in this, but I felt sort of scared). I have been getting up in the morning and just enjoying the heck out of turning on the radio, playing with my dogs, getting ready for work. Looking forward to the day! I feel like I started to feel me this weekend . . . connect with myself again. It sort of feels as though I have been living my life through the haze of his addictions, his problems . . . now that I have let go, and his problem are his problems and my problems are my problems, I begin to feel inside myself again . . . don't know how else to put it. Interesting though - he called me an hour ago to say he was at the house continuing to pack up some of the smaller stuff, and even though I had expected that, just knowing he was over there brought back my lip-biting nail-biting, nervous self temporarily. Wow. Just wanted to share.
A 'spacious mind', what a great way to describe it! I know the feeling, just never had a phrase to cover it- thanks! Hoping the serenity continues to grow.
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"The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time."