How frustrating! I don't know how old your son is, but could he attend any Al Ateen meetings? I was told by a longtime member that we can only protect my children so much from the behaviors of the alcoholic parent, that my children will have their own relationships with my husband in regards to the alcoholic behavior (drinking or not), and it is theirs to navigate as they get older. I can teach them what I am learning in Al Anon to help them. It made me sad, but it helped me take the pressure off of myself to try and control things out of my control. great job detatching by not calling and glad you posted here!

Hip Hip Hooray...

A true testimony to worrying about your own side of the street.  I've been in very similar situations where I just want to completely unload on the A for being and doing a, b, c, ... and there have been many times I have.  None of them have ever been resolved with the A saying "you know what?  You're right, I really shouldn't do that to our child, that's a very selfish thing for me to do...."  Not once.  Not EVER.  No amount of my upset, reasoning, yelling, crying, logic ever, not ever one time, ever resulted in a positive outcome.  And so nowadays I worry about my own parenting, I put things in place to protect my son (as you suggested to yours about leaving the wallet at home) and I do things that are consistent with my son knowing how loved he is by me and how secure and safe and protected he is by me. One day my son will need to come to terms with his Dad's decisions and I will be there for him, but I won't take responsibility for what his Dad does to him.  I didn't cause it, I can't control it and I can't cure it.

Rora