The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I went to a great meeting last night on choices, oh wow great shares and great ESH.
We all have choices in our lives and it is up to us to make them. Sometimes we make bad ones, and hopefully learn from them, and sometimes we make good ones and we learn from them as well.
The best choice I ever made was to welcome alanon into my life. That step led to HP and all my wonderful friends coming into my life.
I need this program so much.
Right now my "A" is being a true jerk.
I have been taking the bus and the ferry to work lately, because it saves on gas, and I have some walking that I need to do, so I am getting a little work out. The changes I have seen are great. I have already lost 15 pounds in about 3 weeks. I am eating healthy, but I am walking more and more.
Anyway---- Today I tried catching a bus from my house instead of my "A" giving me a ride to the ferry. Well it didn't work out well. I couldn't find the stop. I walked back home and he got all mad when I asked for a ride to the ferry. I told him I don't understand why he was mad. I tried, I can understand his being mad for me not trying.
Well I had a class today and when I got back into my office he had left me 4 messages on my voice mail. I called him back he said he forgot I was in class. And then he got mad all over again.
My choice in all this is to not own his anger, I did not do anything wrong. I needed help, I asked for it. I am doing my job, I don't always like the trainings, but I gotta do what I gotta do. Besides all the training I receive makes me all that much more employable.
I am in a rational and serene place right now, it is not my choice that my "A" is not. I can not control, cure, nor did I cause this temper tantrum he is in the middle of throwing.
Before when he would get mad I would feel powerless over my situation. But I am not. I can choose to not let him affect me. I can choose to go on with my day in a calm and joyful manner. He has made his choice of how he wants today to go.
Hmmmmmmmmmmm, I wonder who is having the better day?
Much Love,
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
That' so cool! I would say that you are definetly having a better day. I walk back and forth to work everyday, even in the snowiest and coldest days of the year. It's about 15 minutes each way. Going to work is downhill. Coming home is uphill. But I find just in that time, my mind can be cleared of the day's stress (most of the time) and feeling a bit refreshed.
We all have choices to make. I facing a big one: do I stay or go with my job. If recovery means anything, it means taking care of self. It would be emotionally the best thing I could do for myself. But with no savings to speak of, it's be gutsy and scary to say the least to just leave. But why continue to be miserable in a job where my boss is a ? Lots to think about.
But I'm home now with my kitty and after reading your post, I can still have a good night. Thanks for the reminder.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
You should be so very proud of yourself. I use to do everything I could (didn't recongize it until last year) so my A wouldn't be MAD....how ridiculous is that. But now I don't own his anger, it's his, I have accepted that sometimes he's going to be mad, but he needs to deal with it not me...Hang in there you are doing great!
? Lots to think about.
