The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So, we (my AH and two little ones) have been having a not so great day due to lack of sleep, my crabbiness, life...things are getting better and my AH announces he wants to "take a break and go watch the superbowl". I said ok, since I am staying out of the way of potential drinking, which has been little to none lately. Checked my motives by asking myself, would I mind if he was going somewhere where no alcohol was available? I would have no problem with it, so my cool attitude and resentment are a result of the fear he will drink, drive etc..., so I called my sponser and am posting here to help me Live and let live with more love and Let Go and Let God more graciously. Fantastic progress: Last year at this time, this day was horrible for me as I was a wreck with fear and anxiety. This year my feelings are CONSIDERABLY more tolerable and manageable. Thank you Al anon!!
Danni, you go girlfriend ;) Great way to work your program and see how far you have come!!!! You got program!!!
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Sounds like definite progress! Someone said in my last meeting not only do I have no control whether he drinks or not, but all my worrying is only going to give me an ulcer, so true!Keep up the good work!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Thank you both. It got complicated. It turned into he wanted to maybe stay out until tomorrow and spend the night at his parents, so he could feel like he had some independence and to be "safe" (meaning drunk driving). I said ok, but that I needed to know where he was and when he would return. An improvement from the last time he split, but after he left and I saw the kids so upset about him going away overnight at the last minute, I called my sponser. After speaking with her, I called him and pretty kindly said I wasn't comfortable with him staying out over night. We are a family, ect...we went back and forth and he was confused since last time I had been so understanding, but I don't want this to become the norm. In answer my sponser's question, if this became a regular thing, would that be ok with me? no. So I guess I'm scared that I rocked the boat and am finding the difference between Live and let live and setting boundries. Not sure if i'll see him tonight, but despite the fact that I'm nervous at speaking up, I do feel better, more empowered in a way that I did. phew! Thanks if you're still reading this :)
Big hugs Danni !!! I like BreakingFree's post, it's right on target. I found I wasn't healthy when I was busy worrying so I have decided that it is all out of my control.
Danni - I too have found it very hard to distinguish between "live and let live" and boundaries, but it seems like you nailed it. I hope you can find peace tonight while he is away. Sending good thoughts your way . . .
You stuck to your boundaries and that is such a great question I'm writing it down!! Even if it does rock the boat, you took a large step in respecting yourself. That was a great way to handle things be easy on yourself.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Aww, Danni, you spoke up for your family and that's what matters. Let the outcome be the outcome. You left the ball in his court and that deserves a big hug from all of us! Thinking of you tonight!
Thanks everyone. Your posts helped me TREMENDOUSLY. He is home, and I am enjoying my morning with my children, working on being ok regardless of whatever condition I see him in this morning. I feel so much more clear this morning, and I am so happy I spoke up. Thanks again all of you!!!!!!! The other day, my five year old came home from preschool and said, "Mama, I like being me". Something she learned in school that I love. So simple and sweet, but I never told myself that. When I am feeling especially freaked out, I tell myself I like being me, and I immediately feel some calm. It reminds me I am ME and not just a subset of my husband and his drinking. I really feel like my higher power spoke to me through my child...I am so grateful for Al Anon and this site
danni, i completely believe hP works through people.. even little ones!!! my progress is the same, it will teeter, and come and go, and wobble.. but overall I am stronger and healthier and happier.. if it was put into a bar graph, they would be climbing not falling.. so our yours. keep being you.. i like you.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
