Insurance policy - Al-Anon Family Group

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Insurance policy

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

I want to ask my AH if we can get a supplemental insurance policy on him. My take on it is that if he continues to drink and take anti depressants, which can cause liver damage, then I think I have a right to ask for extra protection. Does this make sense? Could it possibly trigger his anger? I just feel so insecure and I feel that this might be a way for me to let him know that I really am concerned about is health and concerned about his ability to provide in the future. Not saying these things will happen, but an extra insurance policy couldn't hurt, could it? Or, will he take this as a passive aggressive move on my part? I'm just thinking out loud right now, lol!

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

If you are financially dependent on your AH, it makes sense to be sure that you'll be all right if something should happen to him -- whether or not he's an alcoholic. If you already have insurance, it might make more sense to make sure that you have good earning power yourself. (I don't know your situation so you may already have earning power.) That's a more long-term solution than insurance money, which will run out. There's also the question of whether you are okay with paying for it. My A took out life insurance so our child would be provided for if something happened to him, but then he couldn't pay for it, so every year he asks me to pay for it. I feel funny doing it, but on balance, it would be a big help in raising our son if something did happen. In fact it would be the only help I'd ever get, as he is too penniless to contribute much as it is. He's lucky I don't consider bumping him off. smile (Just to be clear, I am joking!)

But the thing about alcoholics is they often don't have the money to pay for insurance, they often lose the bills anyway, they forget to pay, and they may not even pass the physical to get the insurance in the first place. So I think a back-up plan is wise -- some way of making sure you could support yourself without having to rely on him to set it up, if something bad should happen. That's the way I see it.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

ILD - there is nothing wrong with putting your concerns out there. Just say them and then let it go. You are tiptoeing around so many things and worrying how he will take them. You can't control his responses. You have a right to your concerns and stating them clearly is your prerogative. That is different than saying them over and over again in a nagging way that is trying to control him.

You can say "I think it is foolish to drink while on antidepressant medications" That wont stop him from doing it. You also have a right to say exactly what you posted "I am concerned about you purposely ruining your health and what that means for the family." If these statements are true to yourself and come from your heart, they are not nagging and controlling. They are your feelings and you can own them. Now if you repeat these things again and again every day hoping for him to change, that is different, but he is your husband and you still need to communicate or else you will accumulate so much resentment you will explode.

In support,

Mark

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Remember we have no control over how one feels about things. If he is using his brain is not working right anyway.

Hey mine ended up needing brain surgery!! It was on MY insurance. Did I get a thankyou. no all i got was the taxes he didn't pay so I had to.

sigh.

I got life insurance on him six years ago and I am soooo glad.

Guess if you are financially dependant on him you may need to ask. Even then if you are a stay at home mom or the home maker his money is your money. Myself i never asked I just said I am doing this.

We are adults, do not have to ask for permission, but to talk it over is ok. BUT again if he is insane......

hugs hon,debilyn

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Ilovedogs...remember that the insurance companies have a say on pre-existing conditions. If he has had documented problems with alcohol they could refuse or qualify the premium meaning that it could be very costly. I hope you get more information. ((((hugs)))) smile

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you all for the input, I got a lot out of your post, Mark!
Jerry, he doesn't have any documented issues with the alcohol and I already know about pre-existing conditions so I figured I could get the policy rolling along now, just in case. Turns out, we couldn't have our talk anyway. It turns out HP intervened for me. While at my Al Anon meeting my friend texted me and asked if we could have her son sleep over at our house instead of the other way around. I agreed and so, I will not be having that talk and I'll be able to pray about like Pushka suggested.
As for our financial situation, I stay at home and homeschool our 13 year old son. He plays competitive tennis and we travel quite a bit for the sport. My AH works out of the house and has a very flexible sales job, he's been with the company for 10 years. He does have insurance through work but it's not a very big policy. As for my work skills: I was a stock broker before I became a stay at home mom. I love the finance industry and will probably get back into it in the future, but since my son was born I also tried my hand at teaching yoga for a few years, too. I also am trained to teach aerobics and strength training but yoga is my passion. Anyway, I could go back into teaching but we spend so much time playing tennis that yoga takes a backseat sometimes. And, there's only so many classes you can teach in a week before you become stretched like pretzel bread before it's shaped, LOL! I used to teach 5 classes a week and that was plenty for me!

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs ILD,

There is a lot to be said for knowing when to speak and when to remain silent.

I can't even touch my toes!!! Yoga .. hmm .. I would probably be carried out in traction!!

Hugs P :)

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.