The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm looking into finding a distance sponsor. Life situation at present allows me one meeting in my area once a week that I like very much. However, it is small and while the group is endearing, step work isn't much mentioned. I have seen distance sponsoring work with someone close to me via phone and email.
I need to work the steps and I need to get started as soon as possible.
I am engaged to a man who is not new to the notion of recovery, he has 15 years sobriety with AA and is himself an addictions counselor. BUT he has another addiction that he is seeking to finally deal with. The way Alanon has been designed, it dosn't matter what the other person is addicted to. The problem lies with me. The no nonsense sponsor I'm looking for would realize this! :) I have 5 years sober through AA but have opted out of AA meetings about a year ago. My sobriety is strong. I'm of a more or less buddhist/Tao type of nature, but not bothered by the use of the word God. My deeper issues fall into Alanon's langauge (also qualify for ACOA, lost both parents in their 40's due to alcoholism) I have a therapist, a luxery. But I *need* the 12-Steps.
I have tried to lurk on various boards, I have asked around, I have tried other fellowships. I'm posting this in here, on a sort of faith that I will find someone to guide me who might also need someone to guide. I'm ready to follow suggestions.
Private messages are MORE than welcome!
Thanks.
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"I took a long, deep breath and wondered as usual, where to start. You start where you are, is the secret of life. You do the next right thing you can see. Then the next." - Anne Lamott
Oh, I'm totally obessessing over his recovery and my radar is constantly up and about. I'm not allowing him to just go about what he's doing. And he's doing it all! He's doing everything "right", it's his oh so ironic addictions counselor profession that obviously troubles me! . It appears nothing he does is good enough for me. I'm sabotaging things unjustly for him and myself. It's crazy making and I'm the one in the kitchen cooking crazy!
__________________
"I took a long, deep breath and wondered as usual, where to start. You start where you are, is the secret of life. You do the next right thing you can see. Then the next." - Anne Lamott
Same disease different drug... Aloha Harley, that is how I learned it when I first got into Al-Anon and then AA and now like you work both I haven't drank for a very long time and the last time I was affected by someone elses behaviour was just short of an hour ago and as a result I pressed the "nuke the planet" button. I get caught feeling good and with my program laying on the counter out of reach and then I'm done.
Al-Anon is about recovering my peace of mind and serenity and that is not dependent upon any other person, place or thing in my life. I have a Power Higher than all of those other things however at times it isn't proveable.
I once heard a story about an "Al-Anon member who was driving home from a meeting one night and was involved in a fatal auto accident and just before she passed the life of her alcoholic husband passed before her eyes." I related 100% to the story and made up my mind to not let that happen to me. I learned the difference between love and need and being dependent with rather than being dependent on. I learned "perspectives" and "alternatives" to viewing life and choosing how I lived it and one of the consequences was I lost the fear of letting go of my alcoholic/addict wife and living my own life within the will of HP only.
For me I won't do offshore sponsoring because I know what I can and will do with all of the margin and space. I procrastinate and do way too much "self determination based on will and ego". That is what I did an hour ago and I've got to put a notch in the "slip" column and reach out like you have just done. Welcome to the board...we can help each other stay sane and sober while the growth continues.
Thank you for responding Jerry! The story about someone else's life flashing before our eyes made me smile. I heard it long ago and it was forgotten. Wonderful to be reminded. Today is a weird day and I've found myself at the all too familiar juxtaposition of wanted support, at the same time tired of these ties to "alcoholism".
I am trapped by black and white thinking. Within an hour, I went from feeling very glad to be excited about getting to work in Alanon. To resenting the fact I'm here and thereby still tied to alcoholism!!!
I grew up in an alcoholic home I then became an alcoholic Then I went into alcoholism recovery
"Alcoholism" that very word. Makes me feel trapped! I want out. I remember about six months ago sitting there thinking about this very topic and coming to the conclusion that:
I don't have to stay! I can leave alcoholism behind me!! I can leave the recovery community. Completely close that chapter of my life and breathe the fresh air of being just a human being with no ties to my childhood or that which I once was. Staying abstinate and telling the very word, the bottle, the shame: F-off. *You* are no longer in my life, I am freeee!
Except, I crossed my own boundary (I didn't realize this until it was pointed out yesterday) I wasn't going to date anyone in recovery. Yet, I did. Only I haven't accepted crossing my own boundary OR the consequences that came with it.
This "splitting" of going to one extreme to the other as far as what-the-hay-am-I-doing? Is crazy making. I'm still trapped and I've done it to myself.
__________________
"I took a long, deep breath and wondered as usual, where to start. You start where you are, is the secret of life. You do the next right thing you can see. Then the next." - Anne Lamott
On one hand, I want the support of a recovery community. On the other hand, I want nothing to do with it. = Turmoil.
__________________
"I took a long, deep breath and wondered as usual, where to start. You start where you are, is the secret of life. You do the next right thing you can see. Then the next." - Anne Lamott
Did you see the step work board that is going on at MIP you can do the Al-anon one or ACOA and start anytime. I have found it very helpful. Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I hear your confusion and turmoil, Wanting the benefits of a 12 Step community but wanting to walk away from anything to do with alcoholism may mean that you search out another 12 Step program that uses the Steps to address different issues like : Co dependence, Nicotine addiction, Food addiction etc,'
I was not ready for alanon and could not even hear the message until I had hit a hard emotional bottom I had tried everything else and nothing worked. I finally surrendered and was willing to go to any lengths to regain my sanity and some peace.
In fact we have a Co Dependent Board here at MIP and maybe you could identify with that message
. It appears nothing he does is good enough for me. I'm sabotaging things unjustly for him and myself. It's crazy making and I'm the one in the kitchen cooking crazy! 
