The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I grew up hearing Self Esteem is the way we Feel about ourselves and yet Alanon has taught me feelings aren't facts .. So I began looking at this and the fact that Since my axb seems to be Feeling so much better he Must be better .. Then It began to turn in my mind and this is what I got .. If self esteem were simply based on feelings then everytime i made a mistake ifelt i was wrong in or anytime i just felt bad for the week i would be back again assuming i have no self esteem because I don't feel good ... So, as in the moral 4th step inventory i began looking at the idea of behaviors we can be proud of and own .. is my behavior loving and kind and do i like the clarity i am beginning to find . then i began looking at the alcoholic for the first time and recognising are his behaviors ones he can own proud and be happy with .. do i believe he likes himself through the unjudged on my part behaviors of lying, cheating, running, using, etc.. and the answer was no .. i finally began to see through the fog a litttle into the idea that the alcoholics really do have self esteem in the basement ..
maybe a little compassion but a little comfort too in knowing he might Feel better today than i do but i['m working through the grief .. this does not necessarily mean he Is better .. thanks for being here for me today .. I'm recognising when i'm obssessing on others/ me included .. 95 percent of the time it isn't even Real .. the promises (we'll be able to perceive reality) Praise hp .. i can hardly wait til i'm seeing more clear .. odat ..
better without me that is and seeing this through the readings of the A's who already beat themselves so much .. sigh in a hurry hope this reads sense ..
This is my truth of what I believe, (take what you like) I think it's normal to think that our A's are better without us, (take that straight to the rejection issue), what I am seeing is that happiness is an inside job and that is everything to do with self esteem. All of the women, all of the pills, all of the booze is not going to make any A happy. By the same token on the flip side the codependent us, .. all of the approval that we look for outside of us, all of the love in the wrong places, all of our stinking thinking of where and what love is .. is not going to make us happy either. If our happiness if based upon how well or unwell our A's are doing then we are not looking in the right place for self esteem/happiness.
I don't know how to put that in program language, that's my truth for me. My happiness, my self esteem has to come from the inside out. Anything I am doing to fill my own black hole (we have one just like our A's do) from the outside, is not really bringing me happiness/self esteem. It's just adding a drop to an bottomless well.
I hope that makes sense .. you are doing great keep up the great work and awareness. Keep coming back.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I agree with Pushka, I have learned through awareness in soul searchin, al-anon, and therapy that I was basing my happiness on not only my A but also, my Mom, my co-workers, my friends, the car in front of me, the mailman, my facebook homepage.. ahah. you get the drift. I have realized and accepted, now, that it IS an inside job, as Pushka put it. I still have those days where I obsess over how well my AH is doing. Then I have to remind myself that it does not really matter, because my recovery is about ME!!! Its nice to have this for me. I am proud of my program. And the refreshing news is that my AH has someone to look out for him and to guide him and that is his HP, not me. Shwoo, what a relief.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
I have heard that self-esteem and humility are one and the same. By working the steps, I have found that to be true. (Humility is one of the priciples of our program, and self esteem comes - the Promises do come true!)
As for feelings, no they are not facts and the program gives me tools to discover where they are coming from. A sponsor was necessary for me to sort it all out, none of this came naturally for me.
It sounds like you may be comparing your recovery to his, and I know for me, that was never helpful. I hope you have a sponsor guiding you, I couldn't have done it on my own. ((big hugs))
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
