The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've looked online but I find examples of differences so I'm not sure if I understand how the meetings are formatted exactly. Our group has two married couples who attend nearly every meeting and I've been uncomfortable recently at how off-the-format things have gotten. During last night's meeting, I nearly got up and left but I'm not sure if this is my issue or the group's?
- Our group has a paragraph about no cross-talk that is normally read during the intro and recently one of the husbands called a group conscience meeting to address a few members who had really gotten bad at it. His wife does this often.
- We had newcomers last night and other than getting them a newcomer packet, they were virtually ignored - even completely skipped during reading/sharing. Our group normally conducts the entire meeting around sharing what brought us to the program whenever we have newcomers so this was very odd to me.
- Is it normal for groups to spend over half the time reading out loud to each other? Once a topic is chosen by the leader for the evening's meeting, we begin reading chapters in various approved literature and go around the room reading after one another. If we run out of reading in the chapter, we are assigned something else to read. During a newcomer meeting the leader made the comment that her husband had taken so long sharing what brought him to the program that we no longer had time to read. Several of us mentioned that the newcomer is the most important person and we can always read at home - sharing is what the meeting should be about.
One of the married couples provides extremely detailed information about situations (over the weekend, during childhood, their alcoholic's situation, etc) and they've been told during the meetings that those kinds of details are to be shared with their sponser. They continue to do this though and last night we listened for over 20 minutes as they described the weekend incident. There were quite a few of us in the meeting so there really wasn't time for much sharing.
I've left all the recent meetings feeling let-down and like I'm no longer getting much from this group so my first response is to check out some other groups but I live an hour or more away from the nearest ones and with family activities, well it's difficult enough.
Am I looking at this wrong? Is this really my issue?
There are many different meeting formats and as long as they stick with alanon literature and alanon guidelines then they are acceptable
This meeting sounds very very controlled All that reading, not much sharing is not what a meeting should be promoting .
I think that somewhere along the line this format was agreed to by the members so that the best way to change it is to ask for a business meeting to discus the format.
In addition listening to a member share for 20 minutes is not acceptable. We caution people to be mindful of the time as everyone needs a chance to share. and that works. Other meetings have a 3 or 4 minute time share and the person is stopped after that
I think all your points are valid and can be addressed in the business meeting.
As for new comers that is also handled as the group decides Our meetings suggest that a member will talk to the newcomer after the meeting and we proceed with our agenda
I don't have an answer to your question. However, I can tell you that I was recently a newcomer at my meeting. This is only my 3rd week attending meetings. I was really scared about going. After the main introductions and readings we split up into smaller groups for discussion. They always ask if there are newcomers. Two people sit with the newcomer and tell their story. They give out some of the free literature. They explain the format and rules of the meeting. They let the newcomer share their story is they wish. I was so happy with this introduction. It really made me feel welcome. I probably wouldn't have gone back if I was ignored.
welcome! Your situation sounds frustrating. I don't know how meeting structure comes about or how changes or problems are addressed, but I can share that the meetings I attend begin with a short reading or a 10 or 15 minute lead share followed by 3 minute shares (timer goes off at 2 and then 3 minutes). There is a special time set aside for newcomers. Cross talk is rare. This would really bother me too. sending you support and courage if you decide to address this somehow.
