The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am new to this site and would love to get any help and support that you can offer.
I recently moved out from my home where I resided with my AH and our son. I feel like my world has spiraled more out of control after his addiction seemed to become more active (coincidentaly after the birth of our son). I supported him and took on all of the household and financial responsibilities, because of his addiction and his unemployment and it continued to drain me. I LOVE him, but don't LIKE him very much, because the addiction has caused continuous lies and lack of ambition.
I finally had enough and left, after refusing to pick him up after a recent DUI. I did this to ultimately maintain my sanity and give my son and I some hope. I am now temporarily living with family until I can find a new place of our own. My husband is working his program and now seems (for today) to be doing much better at living in the moment, but I have yet to get a sponsor and need to do that ASAP.
My AH and I have been in and out of the rooms and always seemed to work our program and then once we began feeling better, stopped going. I never realized how importamnt it is to have support and keep coming back. He is finally forced to deal with his consequences for his actions and I am torn, because I do love him, but don't know where our recovery path will take us...what I mean is- I am still unsure if we will ever get back together or if this will end in divorce.
When I think like that, I remind myself to say the serenity prayer and focus on the moment and not on the future. It is so easy to fall into the trap of looking into the future, but the good thing is that I don't have to make any decisions today.
I am planning on going to a beginner meeting tomorrow and have made 2 other meetings since I moved out 2 weeks ago. I just need to talk to others who understand, because my family keeps giving me advice and telling me to "leave him" or that they won't support me the next time, if I eventually go back home.
You already know you aren't alone and it does get better when we continue to work our programs. Welcome back, I hope you will stick around!! Face to face meetings have always been my lifesaver when things feel so out of control.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Oh boy can I relate to your story! I've been separated from my AH since the summer. His alcoholism also started to get really bad around the time our son was born 2.5 years ago, and it got progressively worse. Finally this summer he went on a binge that made him insane and cost him his job. He went to rehab, and as of now, he has a lot of work to do on himself and still no job, but is working a good program and is sober. And I am thankful to have found the peace and understanding that Alanon offers. I am also dealing with a family that loves me, but cannot offer me the type of support I need. They hate my AH and see him as a hopeless case and resent the fact that I am in any kind of contact with him. And, I worry they may cut me off if I don't divorce him once our separation is a year old. Only people who've been there can really offer the type of support that you need now. It sounds like you are doing really well - I wish I had tackled my issues earlier. Meetings, these boards, and reading the literature really do wonders to help restore sanity to an insane situation. I encourage you to keep focusing on what you have to do right now and try not to worry too much about the future. That is something I am dealing with as well - and Alanon helps so much with that. You'll know what the right thing to do will be when you get there - right now you're doing the best you can for yourself and your baby. Glad you're here and keep coming back, nyc
