i don't exactly remember my last share but i've been sharing in face to face meetings on feelings and recognising the inner child in me who stopped growing when she was obssessing on the alcoholics which you know woulda been like about 5 ? I love this program .. I've recognised so much through the awareness .. I mean no wonder I have had so many fears through the years, God was the invisible boogy man, my arguing .. controlling .. wanting my way .. making demands .. manipulation .. even to the nitty gritty point of getting bored and needing to suddenly run to the bathroom .. lol or not getting all of the program fast enough and being like the kid in the car saying are we done yet .. did i get it all yet .. is it time to go yet, etc .. i'm recognizing so much that I even am seeing why no wonder I've been afraid to make mistakes at work .. it's the kid wondering if i'm gonna be told on .. and even if i did make a mistake .. the mistake would not even be the real issue nor would anyone who called it to my attention .. my real issue is that i was so stuck for so many years with frozen beliefs .. my own tapes of i'm not good enough .. they won't like me as much .. and whatever else that's negative may have frozen .. they are more important, etc.. anyway .. Thanks to higher power I now have awareness of what is going on in me .. hence the shame piece of not knowing what's going on in me moves toward healing ..

Well it's absolutely crazy because when I was younger and everyone moved on in my rather large family .. I felt so invisible and alone sometimes .. There was noone to be with me when i was feeling happy, sad, scared, shy, etc.. which is why it's so healing now to have so many around me in meetings who let me share what's on my mind and in my heart in a safe trustable atmosphere .. I used to look at my family and parents who seemed to have everything to give to others (emotionally mentally spiritually) etc.. but not to me .. i would think they just aren't giving it (to me) .. It never dawned on me until tonight they weren't trying to give something to others, they were trying to get something from others because they didn't have it in them to give themselves ..

I also realise through trusting higher power and becoming willing to be honest through shares in that this is where I am .. I am beginning to recognise that when I don't share exactly where I am, I owe myself an amends because I am in truth harming myself .. I am so grateful to have the insights into the inner child and to recognise how much today the inner child in me was harmed as in really hurt .. not in hurt feelnigs .. No way would i shame the child in me even further today by refusing to give her the freedom to speak .. all this time i thought it was the adult in me trying to heal the child but what i realise tonight is how much strength the child in me had .. the courage .. the willingness driving me on to meetings .. some of which could only have come through the innocence of a child .. It's just crazy when I stop to realise it's been the child many times that's gotten me through ..

Thanks so much for being here .. this is Such a miraculous program . I also read a reading earlier that mentioned the responsibility we have to ourselves and to our groups to become willing to work through what we are in any given moment for this is how we help others in alanon .. through having worked through the experience to have it in us to give it away to someone who will sooner or later definitely come to need it ..