Procrastination - Al-Anon Family Group

glad lee · ~*Service Worker*~

Procrastination

glad lee · ~*Service Worker*~

The opposite of procrastination is promptness. My sponsor encouraged me to keep a daily, a weekly and and a monthly to-do list which helped... gave me some structure. I didn't grow up with much structure.

Some of it isn't all about the defect of procrastination. Some of it is just fear. Some is laziness. Some of it is just not being ready to act because the ideas haven't come yet. I can beat myself up for that too....

-- Edited by glad lee on Tuesday 24th of January 2012 03:39:52 PM

-- Edited by glad lee on Tuesday 24th of January 2012 03:42:44 PM

Green Eyes · ~*Service Worker*~

The flylady website is a great tool and I often go there for inspiration on how to approach tasks around the house, both large and small. When you mentioned about having cards that are unmailed, but that are addressed and stamped, I realized that my daughter does that. Hope I haven't passed my "procrastination gene" on to her!

-- Edited by Green Eyes on Tuesday 24th of January 2012 04:14:20 PM

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

oh sweetie. I don't know if this will help. I was brought up the opposite. In all things, I do it then sit down. I cannot leave things undone, it bugs me too much.

I am talking even little stuff. I get up, after being licked awake....let dogs to go storming out after all those "things" they think are out there.

I let potted pig out. Then I want to go back to bed or sit. no first gotta let th em in. oops gotta take piggy dickens food out to him.

see broom, see floor, sweep floor,well now i have to mop. And oh feed fire, oh then I remember I need to go out get wash and hang in front of fire.Let dickens back in to his bed, cover him up. Birds are yelling at me,take out sunflower seeds and p nuts.

oh get old towel to dry floor. yikes turn towels over over the wood stove. sit nope up do dishes.

So for me, time to get groceries, go. Wood to chop, do it.

this is what makes me crazy about doc app. I don't like things a week away hanging over me, I want it done NOW.

lol I have giant, yes giant 5 to 6 pounds of guinea pigs coming to live with me. Just three. I have waited and waited, of course their apartments are made! lol she had to cancel. Then we scheduled again. agh then one had a cyst is on med. So we reschedule for this friday. am I nuts? tapping my foot to get it over with. yes.

So maybe if you start with little stuff, the bigger stuff will come natural.

Not like well dirty dishes, so what there will be more tomorrow i will do it then. ( I am lieing here as mine sit for days lol) I am NOT OCD.

or why make a bed? it gets messed up every single day! I like to cuz it is so cute when it is all clean and nice. Then My Great Pyr, stinker cat and Bonnie jo my newfy get on it anyway....

Is it little things too? Mother always told us when you are finished with it put it away. If you start something finish it. I read,"The Stand" by Stephen King in ONE night....

haha I used to sew neat cloths for me and then for my kiddos, I started it and did not stop until it was finished.

Again I invite you not to be hard on yourself. Think of it as you are delightful. (c: you are! Change a little at a time is always best for me. HOpe this helped or I just came out of the closet about being OCD thank you very much!

haha hugs hon,debilyn who needs to feed the fire, cut up guinea pig produce and and....

ps pushka I even have my grocery list made like weeks before I go, also have what I need to do that day on a list! first deposit rent, pickup meds and on and on I mean weeks before!

-- Edited by Debilyn on Tuesday 24th of January 2012 05:23:35 PM

-- Edited by Debilyn on Tuesday 24th of January 2012 05:38:48 PM

Lindaoakford · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi
For my 2c worth... as most of you know I am on this board and the ACoA board.
I have noticed that one of the traits of an adult child of a dysfunctional home is difficulty in finishing projects.. seeing things to the final product... procrastination is like this isn't it.

Perhaps writing those Xmas cards, addressing and stamping them is all good... but actually following through and successfully completing the task!!! Mailing them... well.. that doesn't happen.

If I started to do that .. finish projects and stuff.. maybe then I will have to maintain that level of expectation.. eeuurrgghh.. thats too hard. Hey, lets walk the dog instead.

I procrastinate on exercise and weight loss. I have great plans.. never follow through.
I know I have a fear of success in this area.. strange huh.

Ive come back and edited this post. Iam not sure I am very clear about what I am saying procrastination means for me. I have a website that I found that explains the fear of success well for me. Take what you like....

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2004/12/fear-of-success-what-will-happen-if-you-succeed/

http://www.lazaris.com/publibrary/pubfear.cfm

-- Edited by Lindaoakford on Tuesday 24th of January 2012 06:22:12 PM

-- Edited by Lindaoakford on Tuesday 24th of January 2012 06:26:34 PM

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

This is probably one of my biggest character defects that I am staring in the face at the moment. Literally in my top 3 of keeps me from living life. Thankfully today is a good day for me on that level I did a lot of things to get misc stuff dealt with. It's not a minor issue as in let's put this off for a day this is let's put this off until "tomorrow" and "tomorrow" never really gets here. It's something that I struggle with a lot.

I'm kind of trying to establish where this is coming from and it's been a life long issue I have struggled with even a child this is something that has just overwhelmed me. My mom of course is the same way and I know a lot of that is stuff I've taken on as I've grown up. It's not her "fault" not saying that just saying .. it's how I grew up.

Has anyone else dealt with this? Were there deeper issues they had to look at? What are some of the things that people say to themselves when they find themselves doing this? I'm stuck at where to go at the moment.

I find for myself this is a direct result of being successful like maybe I don't deserve it. Anyway, if I can deal with this it would help my life go so much smoother at the same time I am going to have to face some very uncomfortable things. I do this with everything in my life and it is a self serving way to punish myself when things are going good.

Thanks, P :)

Green Eyes · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Pushka, it sounds like we need a 12 step program for procrastinators! I'm big time procrastinator as well. In fact, right now I should be working on clearing the piles of files I have on my desk at work, but instead, I'm reading this board and posting! : )

There are some things I do in a timely manner, like paying bills and responding to my friends' emails. But when it comes to birthday or Christmas shopping, fugeddaboutit! I also put of chores like ironing, dusting and organizing closets, files, cupboards and photos. And, like glad lee, I procrastinate about applying for better-paying jobs because I fear rejection or making a career change.

Not sure if this character flaw is something that I can fix or not, but it sure does cause me to obsess about it (and then do nothing about fixing it!).

Jackie11 · ~*Service Worker*~

I procrastinate. I try to be aware of it. I tend to put things off that I fear, if I am scared of how difficult it will be, what the outcome might be, that I won't like the repurcussions.

Over the past few years I've tried to take ownership of when I'm scared or intimidated and then face what I have to do. At work I really have to watch the procrastination because I can quickly be overwhelmed by way too much in my to do box and not nearly enough time to get it all done!!!

The best way I've worked and continue to work through this is journaling. I'm super honest with myself and then I have to determine what I will do next.

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

I am just like GreenEyes! I pay the bills on time, get to all our appointments and scheduled events on time, but I tend to procrastinate everything else. Birthday shopping, housework, etc seem to get put on the back burner. I do find that keeping a running 'to do' list helps me stay on track, even if I have to write something simple down like "brush teeth", LOL!

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

For me there is something more than just "normal" procrastination. I buy the birthday cards and can't or don't mail them. I have a drawer full of cards I've never mailed. Sometimes they even are addressed and have stamps. It's something that is a quirk. Do the same thing with Christmas cards too. Boxes of Christmas cards, probably am up to 6 at this point .. lol. That is attached to other stuff as well.

I'm going to try looking at promptness. I like that idea. Housework is a struggle and I've posted on that before. I'm still struggling however not as bad as in the past. I think I am going to check out the fly lady website. I know that has worked for people. Sometimes the littlest things to other people just overwhelm me to the point I can't move.

Maybe I just see to much of the big picture and just don't know how to go from there .. kwim? I don't break things down well and tend to complicate simple things. I'm going to really work on keeping things simple that helps a lot I know.

Anyway, .. as I've avoided cleaning the bathroom and vacuuming for the past 1/2 hour I better get on that!!

Hugs P :)

Green Eyes · ~*Service Worker*~

By the way, I would really like to be able to "Let Go and Let God" do my housework! : ) He probably has more pressing things on His list, huh?

rehprof · ~*Service Worker*~

An alternate view...

I was just reading something on this..because I do it ALOT.

This thing that i was reading suggested that successful people procrastinate ! THe premise of his thinking was that some procrastintation is just priorities -- there are other more important things to do...so we put off the mundane things...

I hadn't ever thought of some procrastination is actually OKAY...and appropriate..

Huh. who knew?

rehprof · ~*Service Worker*~

FLylady is AMAZING...

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

This really struck a chord because at most points in my life, I have procrastinated with the same intensity with which an alcoholic drinks.

I've finally gotten to the bottom of it as far as understanding goes, and am mostly "in recovery."

For me it consists of three main things:

1) I tend to overload my days and my life with things to do. It's a part of avoiding being alone with myself, and partly a reluctance to face reality: I can't do every single thing I want to, I can't handle every problem out there, I am not infinite. But unless I get a grip, I tend to overschedule myself like an overeater overeats or an alcoholic drinks. Then stuff has to fall by the wayside and I feel bad about it. My solution: get realistic, and learn how to cope with feelings instead of covering them up with rushing around all the time.

2) Shame and Fear. I avoid things because they're attached to shame in some way. Then they pile up and I'm more ashamed, etc. etc. etc. My solution: explore the roles shame plays in my life, ask myself if I really need to be ashamed of everything. Am I really the worst person in the history of the world if I have moldly cheese in my fridge? (Don't answer that.)

3) Lack of practical logistics. Not streamlining and setting things up so they're convenient. When I started designating Sunday as laundry day, the laundry got done on time a lot more often than when I just did it "whenever it gets too bad." I also set up accountability partners for some things I tend to procrastinate. If I have to get a report done by the 15th, I get together and write with a buddy who also has something due.

Between all these, I'd say I've cut down the problem by about 75%. But like addiction, I have to pay attention all the time or the demons will start trying to get at me. The up side is that living without feeling embarrassed by undone tasks all the time is miles better than the way I used to feel.

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

I love what everyone has shared and I really appreciate the feed back .. I don't know why I am so flipping emotional at the moment, I'm sooo hoping this is a HHALT deal. I'm not ready for MHALT (Menopausal, Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, again .. all of that wrapped up in a neat little bow that is the M!). Again back to feeling really raw and I had a bit of a break through between therapy tonight and meeting. I feel good just back to feeling a tad raw. That's ok, just different I'm not a warm gushy person .. lol .. sometimes there's something to be said for being a porcupine.

When I brought this up it has been on my mind a lot and again I'm struggling and trying, some days are better than others and today was a good day. Something we talked about at meeting tonight was "risk" as the topic. Taking risks, emotional ones.

What hit me like a ton of bricks was this statement from Mattie, "I have procrastinated with the same intensity with which an alcoholic drinks." Cheese is mold .. lol .. it's all good. :)

That for me sums up exactly how I feel about the issue I have with procrastination. It is intense, overwhelming and it literally will stop me in my tracks, it's like I'm frozen to the spot. It's almost like I can't help myself and I do feel ashamed and fearful. Fearful of the unknown of what will happen when I have to deal with this issue and ashamed that I'm a grown woman having the issues that I do. Other people don't fall apart in this way and it's beyond humbling. If this is anything close to what an addict feels like in active addiction then I have a new perspective on that alone.

Addressing the procrastination is just like taking an emotional risk because it opens almost a Pandora's box of what if's. A year in meetings and I have finally started to cry (see what I like to put off .. lol), not that I didn't cry in the beginning it wasn't the same, I cried the first meeting and decided to be done. All of a sudden all these tears are coming and 1/2 the time I can't talk. This is a deep emotional deal for me, which again .. I'm good with the porcupine deal it hurts less at times although is not the long term answer. It's a little frustrating not to be able to turn off the water works.

I'm going to take a look at the websites Linda suggested in the AM as well as taking a new turn on procrastination baby steps at time. I have to remind myself that small steps can be more effective over the large steps and maybe I'm not really ready for one big large step at the moment. Baby steps will have to do for now, I just didn't realize how much of this was all wrapped up together.

Thanks for letting me share, P :)

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Pushka

Loved what everyone shared. I found that at the bottom of my procrastination was "Fear"

If I completed the task: Mailed the card, sent the present, cleaned the house. I would be subject to judgement and criticism.

If I never completed the task, never found the courage to take the risk of actual action, I felt safe.

Sure I could be judged as procrastinating but my work or tasks were protected from others judgement. In my mind being a procrastinator was Ok It meant I was seeking perfection which was fine in my dysfunctionl tool set

Taking the risk of somone not liking my work was beyond me.

Alanon, the Steps, HP helped me greatly. Take the action let go of the result, What others think of me is none of my business, examine my motives and act .

My actions are not perfect and people may find fault. HAVING THE COURAGE TO BE ME IS THE GIFT OF ALANON

YOU ARE GROWING AND SEEING THESE DESTRUCTIVE PATTERNS IS HALF THE BATTLE

Glad you are sharing the journey

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