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after crying most of the weekend...I got a text during a meeting yesterday from AH. "I want to end this" -- I tried to talk to him over the weekend (big mistake) -- and all he kept saying was that he had to protect himself -- and that is why his lawyer demanded more than half my income in alimony. He doesn't want to pay child support because he hasn't worked in 2 years and can't afford it.
I relapsed this weekend and tried to reason with him ...I said..all I hear from you is how you need to protect yourself from supporting your children? "covering your *ss" you say" -- but what about providing for your children? doing what is right by them? he started telling me I was crazy..you know..the usual
then monday morning...he says he wants none of it...just 1/2 retirement and no child support -- which is what I would have agreed to in the first place...
I was thinking...wow..he had a glimmer of conscience.decided to do what is right..then I talked to my lawyer and found out that he (lawyer) had made a formal request for my AH's rehab treatment records...
I don't know if AH knows about that request, or if he really does have a conscience in there somewhere, and decided to do what is right because it is right, not out of fear of exposure of the real story behind his not working, and the divorce...
I just pray I can get through this latest roller coaster ride whole. Calling the lawyer today to see if we can work this latest verbal agreement before AH and his lawyer change their minds (again).
I am proud of using my alanon tools on the phone yesterday with AH...I didn't moralize, or argue (he has a right to his opinion..and I don't have to try to change him or his opinion)...and was surprisingly silent as he made his proposal for divorce agreement. Progress...right? not perfection.
Sounds like a lot of progress!! Sending love and support, there is a big light at the end of the tunnel. Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
That sounds like awesome progress. I admire you for being okay with the proposed settlement. There is a part of me also that is like "he SHOULD pay child support!" But of course you can't squeeze lemonade from a rock and it sounds like you are dealing in reality pretty well now.
Keep hanging in there! When I divorced my first husband (substance abuse was not an issue, but he has many many problems), I had to tell myself repeatedly "you cannot force an irrational person to be rational."
