Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> new here, trying to do 6 mos before major life change....
Post Info TOPIC: new here, trying to do 6 mos before major life change....
hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:
new here, trying to do 6 mos before major life change....
Permalink  

Welcome Yanksfan
 
I hear you. We all have tried for many years to do it on our own I am glad you have found this site and are trying to wait 6 months before making changes.
 
The real reason it is suggested that we wait 6 months before making any life changes is that: after using the program for this amount of time, we do become better able to see reality, and obtain clarity as to the next right action for us and the family.  We are no longer in "REACT " mode and begin to learn to act in our own best interests.
 
Please cheek out alanon face to face meetings in your community by going to http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html.
These meetings really saved my life.   I was able to break the isolation and find new tools to live by. Your children could also benefit from alateen face to face meetings.
 
Meetings, Sponsor, Living One Day at a Time. Focused on ourselves, with the help of HP we grow and recover ourselves.
 
Keep coming back here as wellsmile


-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 22nd of January 2012 10:23:25 AM

__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
yanksfan51


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1133
Date:
Permalink  

but feel like i have been doing 20 yrs before major life change!  I am seriously considering leaving my marriage of 20 yrs.  Binge drinker AH; we have 3 kids and it's tough for me to decide to make this change.  He is a musician and is constantly around booze--that definitely ups the ante!  I am trying to live my life and not guage my feelings by whether or not he is drinking heavily.  I have already read so much wisdom here and in the alanon chats.  Thank you all in advance for any wisdom and insight!



__________________
rehprof


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 689
Date:
Permalink  

Only you can decide what you want to do.

For me, after 30 years of wishing life could be different, and hoping he would get well, and the financial and emotional instability that accompanied his disease, I asked him to leave..

we have now been separated for a year + (nov was 1 year) and are in the process of divorce...it is really scary...and he is honestly lost in full blown disease. He can only think of protecting himself from child support...he hasn't worked in 2 years..so he is looking to me to take care of him financially -- by claiming 1/2 my income!

I can only pray that the judge will see the truth, and I can continue to take care of me and my boys WITHOUT him.

On the good side of things...I do not have to worry day to day whether he is going to go on a spending spree and empty our account...and no worries what mood he will be in or whether he will be drunk when I get home...so that has been a marked improvement.

hang in there...and when the time is right, you will know exactly what to do.

all best,

K.



__________________
Jerry F


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 13696
Date:
Permalink  

 

 

Welcome Fan to the board and happy it's helped.  What Hotrod offered is right on because the 6 months wait is about getting help for ourselves before making a major decision because we are in no shape to make major decision due to the insanity of living within the disease.  For me it was waiting 2 years before making that decision and I am glad I did because during that time I got to take a very good look at myself and realized that I wasn't dealing with a full deck from the start of my marriage to an alcoholic addict.  "They get drunk and/or loaded and we get crazy" was a saying that helped me to understand the part I was playing in my own life which contributed to the insanity.

If you're not already going to the face to face meetings of the Al-Anon Family Groups I highly suggest you do.  The hotline number for Al-Anon is in the white pages of your local telephone directory.  Call and see were and when we meet in your area.  And keep coming back here to MIP.

(((((hugs))))) smile



__________________
yanksfan51


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1133
Date:
Permalink  

thank you so much--yes I am tired of looking at our bank accts (I recently opened a separate savings for myself) and realizing how much money is being wasted in bars.  I now understand how many many years can go by before we're really ready to look at this thing.  2 yrs into our marriage I never ever dreamed I would be spending ANY time on this craziness, but here I am 18 yrs later!

thank you for your wisdom!



__________________
yanksfan51


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1133
Date:
Permalink  

PS  i will definitely return to face to face mtgs--it really is a convenience issue right now--he is in and out of house and I have 3 kids at home, I'm sure you know the drill

thanks again for all of your insight!



__________________
Pushka


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3870
Date:
Permalink  

Don't forget there are meetings that do offer childcare, so at least look in your area to see if something is available.

Hugs P :)

__________________

Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
glad


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 687
Date:
Permalink  

If I would have practiced the program hard for 6 mts or even a year before breaking up with my ex.. I would have either been stronger emotionally to deal with the break up OR maybe we would have stayed together...instead because I didn't get with the program 100% I have struggled with alot of pain and confusion...they say if your not positive of your next move don't move unless there is abuse or danger... then move quickly and firmly....



__________________
Tracey C


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 118
Date:
Permalink  

I take my 5 children, (aged 4 - 12yrs),  to all my meetings.  Normally the youngest ones will watch a dvd or draw, while the older ones read or listen to music or book tapes.  After 2 yrs of meetings they're used to coming with me.

Tracey



__________________
yanksfan51


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1133
Date:
Permalink  

thank you all--I really had no idea that there may be care available for kids; I have only been to 1-2 mtgs face to face

helpful information!



__________________
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> new here, trying to do 6 mos before major life change....