Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Update!
Post Info TOPIC: Update!
KLotus


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 142
Date:
Update!
Permalink  

Again, thank you all for your incredible ESH (and for your research).  It is serving me well, and helping me to feel stronger.  

I met with a divorce lawyer yesterday - to ask questions.  She was VERY concerned about my safety.  I was a bit embarrassed when asked "is there any domestic violence?"  I said "Can you please define DV for me?  He's never actually hit me." 

She was very clear:  I am in a DV situation, and she felt strongly that I need to make a plan to leave - whether we divorce or not.  She said I can leave with my daughter any time I feel unsafe.  When asked about my main concern (my daughter), she said "I think the worst case scenario is that you are custodial parent and your husband would have supervised visitation."  

I hope she is right.  I don't trust my AH to be with my daughter for extended, possibly stressful, periods of time, and not overnight.  I don't know if it matters that he isn't drinking, or that no one has actually seen him be aggressive - I've kept a journal and have talked with counselors.  If he does it again, I'm calling the police.  

I am trying to make a plan - so much to think about.  



__________________

"The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself."

 
Pushka


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3870
Date:
Permalink  

Hugs hugs hugs!!!! So glad you are taking care of you!! Sending much love and support!! Hugs p;)

__________________

Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Breakingfree


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3972
Date:
Permalink  

So glad you are setting up boundaries and a safetly hatch for next time you get scared. Keep taking good care of youself! Sending you love, support and courage!



-- Edited by Breakingfree on Tuesday 17th of January 2012 05:59:15 PM

__________________

Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Jerry F


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 13696
Date:
Permalink  

 

 

Aloha Lotus...this is exactly what self recovery is about...being responsible to and for self.   Keep on keeping on.   In support.   ((((hugs)))) smile



__________________
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3653
Date:
Permalink  

Kristen I am going to do my best not to sound bossy. i had to the first time i responded to you.

I agree 100% you and daughter are in trouble. To slam a door on a child etc. is totally dv. I know it scared her to death. I got scared for a long time when I heard something like a slug in a wall. I jump when a guy turns too fast around me.

I am not even thinking about it, and I am tough. But those things, you don't forget inside.

Want to say be very, very careful about what you say to him. It is dangerous for him to know if and when you have a plan.

We have suggested to always have keys, a few bucks, addresses and phone numbers and emails, extra cloths etc. for you and baby. An escape plan. Keep this hidden outside or at a neighbors.

If you can keep your car parked so he cannot block you, that is important. I had a key in my car in my purse and one outside. that is how I got away. He got my purse, tore my phone out of my hand. made me come back inside. i ran out the side door got in my car and split.

I was so fried I went to my bank of all places wet cold crying. They helped me then I went to the cell store and got another phone. I did not have a plan. I say address book as i am telling you, you will be in a mode that all you are doing is surviving.

Its always better to have a plan of how to leave the house too. Keep coats etc outside too. I mean if things start feeling weird, immediately, acting like nothing is wrong, pick up your child just walk around some, make sure he is sitting, then get out a back door and have a plan where you are going. to neighbors first as you won't have time to get her in a car seat.

I know you can tell when they are starting to turn into the monster.

Most men have no idea what stuff we have. I would star boxing things up and taking them to a friends or? I tell ya I used those shopping bags from grocery store to move, it was so much easier than boxes! I moved about everything that way.

I am talking kitchen stuff, bathroom stuff, what you will need to relocate. I am afraid if you stayed there and he was made to go, he would not stay away. To him it is his territory.

This is all my experience after many years here of sharing with women who are in the place you are.

Just becuz he is nice for a bit, does not mean you are safe. I know you already told him no on the house thing. He is not taking that no. He may even forge your signature.

I would ask myself,what is keeping me here? Is it more important than getting me and kiddo to a safe place? 'would it be better to do stay with friends or family to think things out? Do i want to find a place her or there? Apt or house?

Myself I always keep lists and journal but if he knows it, he will read it so be careful.

sorry this is so long. I care very much. I have seen that insanity in the A's eyes, I am fearful for you. hugs,debilyn



__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:
Permalink  

((Kristen)))

Good Work  It took courage to take such an important action. 

 Please keep the foucs on yourself and your child , trust HP and take the next right action'

You are not alone



__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
rara avis


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 200
Date:
Permalink  

Hey Klotus,

Sending you lots of support in this really stressful time. You really are brave.

I have to say that getting a new phone/new phone # really did help me detach from my now ex. It seemed like such a small thing at the time, but it created more peace of mind faster than I would have guessed, having a new number which my ex doesn't have. A woman at the cell phone store was VERY understanding and nice, in my case she told me that she'd done the same thing before, for the same reason. In addition, I kept my old phone which only my ex would use. This was helpful in tracking his calls and stuff when I was dealing with a lawyer, the law, etc...

Take care!
rara avis

__________________
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Update!