My HP is guiding me to proceed with my passions in life. I used to think what's the point?  I used to think if no one read my poetry or saw my photographs or bought my paintings then what was the point?  I feel so entirely different now. I am creating for me and for me, alone.  A friend once told me "you should make art for no one else but yourself."  And that was hard for me to grasp until now. I feel alive.  I write a poem and I feel relief. Its out there now, pen on paper, for maybe only my eyes to see.  But then I keep having these odd coincidencs occur where HP is guiding me to tap into my skills.  For instance #1 I was invited to a poetry reading by an almost complete stranger one time. I have not gone yet but plan to this friday.  #2 I have fell upon a faith I am interested in looking further into, twice in one day actually I heard of this faith...  and the lady just called me back to let me know of the group gathering in my area.  #3 I received a book from a friend about being the best YOU, you can be and there was a segment on this architect, I am messing up facts and names like I always do but he was asked which structure was his favorite that he created and he replied "the next one."  Its all about how God has given us these skills, talents, passions.. and they don't just go away.  But you have to tap into them, you have to pursue your dreams. 

I was living my life so dull.. like a saltine cracker. I was waking up and going to work and I was not feeling things. Now I am feeling things, I am seeing things.  Everything seems to have such a purpose now. Every day its like there is not enough time for everything I want to do.  My happiness used to depend on everyone else around me and pleasing others and such happiness I was missing out on.  Many of my good friends are always going out drinking and planning for the next big night. I used to think that way. Get through work, get through the week. eventually it will be Friday and I can finally have fun.  But then Saturday I felt like junk and had to recooperate. I am not an alcoholic this was my partying life style when I was younger though.  Now I feel like every day I am just sucking the life out of it. I don't want to miss a second.  Hangovers are damaging to my pursuits so I avoid those at all costs.  Every day is full of reading, writing, talking with others, enjoying others' company, hula hooping, walking, listening to music, going grocery shopping, cleaning my house, shoveling the walk, playing with my cat, singing in the car, taking pictures, editing pictures, learning guitar, going to meetings, smiling. I have truly never been so happy.

I am realistic, though. I remember this too shall pass.  I have horrible days where I start dwelling on the past and thinking of the lies my husband told me and my own stupidity.  Then I remember how i possess my happiness and how I am my own best friend and how I'm the love of my life. The bad moments are shorter and more sporadic and the good moments have been more and more and more lately. The amazing part if Ive never been so non reliant on my husband and I have never felt closed to him. Does this make sense?  Its like the further I grow from him, the more I become me.. The closer I feel to him, the fonder I become of him, just as he is.  I am so happy he is him and I am so happy to be me.

My HP brought me to al-anon and al-anon did this for me!