IIt sounds like you could attend regular Al-anon meetings or ACOA meetings too, adult children of alcoholics. They have both helped me. Try to stay a part of your nephews life as much as you can, but realize you cant control his mother or her decisions. The 3 Cs come to my mind, you didn't cause it, can't control and can't. Cure it. It is hard loving the A's. Alcoholics around us, but I hope you stick around MIP and Al-anon awhile and take care of yourself. Sending you love and support!

I have seen this several times. Sadly my nephew was one. Mom is a meth addict. grama raised son. son ends up with mom. Everyone helped son still did well.

Then gramma gets very sick. grampa leaves. uncle dies,other uncle my ex AH goes totally insane.

the boy...a meth addict, in prison...

so you see that your influence on him is huge. I am telling you the kids who I have seen who's other family stayed involved did very well. even when their homelife was beyond unbearable.

It sounds like you are doing your best. Al Anon can give you tools to be able to let go of the sis, but be able to cont. raising the child.

I am sad sis is so sick. This child deserves better, that would be you and other good family.

You do not realize how much this child needs your influence. Al Anon can teach you to focus away from the A and think of how YOU feel. Its very ok to hate the A's behavior. But yet forgive the A. forgive for your self.

I am so glad you all are helping the child. Please do Al anon and or ACOA.

Sending you hope and love,debilyn please keep coming!

Thank you all for your help! It is so nice to have somewhere to go where your feelings are heard & understood, and where you can receive support. I've been seeing a therapist for a few yrs now, but it's not the same as the support you get from others going through the same thing. I will continue w/ the program, even if I don't like it sometimes. (That was good advice, Jerry F.) Thanks for the ACOA recommendation, Breakingfree & Debilyn. I haven't heard of that one...I'll check it out. I've been learning so much, just w/in the past few days. I checked an Al-Anon book out @ the library & did some research online...which is what led me here, & I'm amazed @ how much I knew in the back of my mind, but wasn't fully admitting to myself about what I'm feeling & how I've been dealing w/ this.

I'm starting to understand these steps a little better, which is extremely helpful. I've always believed in a HP guiding me & being the source of my strength. I couldn't do this w/o him. I don't know how anyone gets through life w/o faith in a purpose beyond our comprehension for why we're here. Even a person w/ strong faith, has it shaken from time to time. Life is hard. I've been realizing that it's so easy to let the feelings of being victimized shadow the truth. The truth being that the anger we feel, though warrented, doesn't help us & it doesn't help them. It's so hard to let the anger go b/c it hurts so much & we feel so helpless when we can't change the other person(s). But, if we let it consume us, then evil wins & the point of us being here gets lost. See, I know these things, but still the rollercoaster of emotions still goes on...it's a constant struggle, as we all know too well.

I'm reading another book, right now, "Coping with a Dysfuntional Family" by: Diane Bosley Taylor & Paul Michael Taylor, and I read something that stood out. "As the Greek philosopher Socrates taught, "Know thyself." It is only with self-awareness that we can grow to our full potential. Know that you are full of anger and that it needs to be released in a constructive way. Know that you feel more guilty and self-critical than most people. You need to recognize your specific weaknesses before you can break their stranglehold on you and free yourself." Wow! Does that hit the nail on the head, or what? I've been struggling w/ all of this anger (among other feelings) inside for so long - even before my nephew was born. All the while, thinking that I had a decent-enough hold on them. Boy, was I wrong! I know what's holding me back from working through all of these negative "side effects", is the fact that I'm still being exposed to it on a daily basis.

There's a lot that goes into this on top of my sister's situation: I can't afford to live on my own, yet (that's another story!), my brother has developmental disabilities & him, my Mom & I live w/ my Grandma. My whole everyday situation is not healthy. Believe me, I've been working on changing it for many yrs. I've had many things hold me back from that. Some is circumstantial & poor luck. But, some is b/c I let myself get discouraged. I went through 9 yrs of emotional/psychological abuse from family member's I'd worked for & fam membr's who didn't like me allowing myself to tell my father how I felt & detatch myself from him, who now ignor me b/c I finally had the courage to stand up for myself. Which, of course, leads me to feel guilty over more negative behavior I didn't cause. Obviously, I don't work for them anymore, nor associate w/ them. I even started my own business, but had to close it due to a Repeditive Stress Injury. Ugh.

The other part of that is, I've felt the need to be my Mom's "partner" ever since I can remember. I knew she didn't have one b/c of my father's absence & I felt her fear & anxiety, along w/ my own. Plus, I'm a very empathetic person & we're a lot alike, so, I sort of became her partner & still am to this day. It's good that we have eachother & I'm so thankful that I had a Mom to show me what love is. I know it could've been worse. So many have had no one show them love. My heart breaks for them. My point is, though, I have a hard enough time dealing w/ the "side effects" from my father's abusive behaviors. I was making progress w/ that...but, my sister's behaviors, the abusive men she's brought into our life, my living situation, the abuse from other fam membr's & worst of all: watching another innocent child develop psychological & emotional scars that will follow him throughout his life - that he'll have to battle, just like me - has completely derailed me from any progress I thought I had made. Along w/ not having much of a "normal" life, for myself.

It's hard to admit that I've backtracked, so much, w/ my progress. But, it's true. I know I still need a lot of help working through all of these emotions. I - none of us - can do it on our own. Reading what everyone else has to say, on here, is really helping me to understand all of this better. I know I have a long way to go, but am grateful to have found a place to be heard, supported & to learn from & return the support. Thanks so much for caring...love & hugs to all :)