Yea know I never really understood My Need for Addictions... Plus I Never really Thought I had that Many...lol... Boy Am I Learning... As Most Know Last Year I kicked Alcohol to the Curb, it took great will power to be strong enough to continue my life as I live, and still go to partys & get togethers that I always have, and NOT Drink... But i Over Come it and feel like I am a Much Better person for it, because it opened other Great things in my life,  and it even helped my self esteem some, and mixed in a touch of Confidence...

My Newest Addiction (Which seems even Worse) is FOOD! I know that my up bringing has some to do with it, After My Mom left my Afather, money was tight so if we had food, it was very little... We hardly EVER ate together as a Family, so we basically snacked all day when the something was available... Grab what you can when you can...

Al-Anon has Helped me Look at MANY of my Addictions, and Really Help me figure which need to go & which are less likely to harm me down the road... and can be put on the back burner till some of the biggys are conquered... One Day at a Time!

Its Tough... I Catch myself Constantly tryin to go back to the way I have alway been, I am Constantly reminding myself NO you don't Need that, or Thats Enough, Stop now! I'm Very Grateful that Al-Anon has gifted me with such Tools to take on my addictions but at the same time, I still Struggle terriblely because once one is out of the way, & I begin to work on another, I can feel the "self Doubt, the Pity Pot, the lack of discipline" that has Always Haunted me most of my life...

Don't get me Wrong When I Overcome them, I am over the Moon... The Work to get there from here... OUCH!! I'm Really Tryin NOT to get back in the Funk that I Am Use too, I'm Tryin my Best to stay out of my own way, and not put myself in cituation that make "Food" the Focus point... But again, I have to Eat..I Just don't know Balance...

I have never been one to excersize other then when i'm working I Work, and when its Nice out, I do my best to spend as much time Outside as I can... And well in the winter, I have WAY to much time to think about all the "Woulda Coulda Shouldas" and Frankly i think I driven myself Mad...lol.. Cabin fever has Always had a Hold on my in the winter, some call it depression, I don't see mine that way, I am Normally an Up Beat Person, tryin to always look for the Good in things & people, even if it is Work... and if Seems my Biggest Inner Struggles Just Come in the Winter time...

Food For me has Always been a Comfort thing, & Trust me Between Yesterday & today, I could probably take down an entire Chocolate factory with my stress levels, but I know that wont Solve Nothing, but the comfort that i feel Would Def. make it go away for a while...or so it seems....

Todays Stress was Quite Entertaining... I get a Phone call from the Funeral Home that Help me Take care of my Afather... (He Past 3 YEARS ago) ... The Gentleman is Very Nice, & I could tell by his voice he was unhappy about having to call me, but such is life... I guess the state at which my AFather was buried, found yet another "Bench warrant" for my Father... And Refused to take his obituary stating his Death, so He needed me to fax him a copy of his death certificate... Which was Fine...and luckly I do keep great records on Everything... (I'm an office manager)...lol... 

But Just Accepting that things are STILL Going on... 3 Years Later... When  can that Part of His Death just be OVER... And I'm Sure the Bench Warrant had to do with unpaid Child Support, because that is all he ever went to jail for, failure to appear at court... Its just the Idea of it still happening I guess just Ticks me Off... I would think with today computers & internet that they could type in his SS# and See... YEP ... Deceased! Just Plucked me I Suppose...

But Because of that ONE Moment... I wanted to Drowned Myself in a Big Fat Chocolate ANYTHING...(which I Chose HERE instead)  I thought Alcohol was a Tough one to over come... Nothing to me like Food... The Reason this Addiction has been brought to the Forfront is because I had to have my yearly blood work done, and basically got Why For from the Doctor about my Cholesteral, Sugar, and apparrently my Vit. D is Non Existant and they want me to take all these Meds & I just Refuse! I will Eat the Crap out of Vit D (only because I can't be out in the Sun because there is NONE) ...So Thats ok... The Rest, NO... I Need to get Busy on Making me More Healthy, and I just don't know were to begin...

I work from 8-4:30 everyday of the week, and by 5pm its Dark... I HATE indoor excersize with a Passion...And its Too Cold to go out, so I guess I have to find another way to make it happen, just not sure what that way is without loosing my sanity... HP has gifted me so much with the Presents of "I Can", I Guess I"m just Struggling with the Belief of it...

Any ESH would be Awesome... Thanks for Listening, and Always Thanks for Being Here ...

Much Love & Prayers to All

Jozie